I Hate Pregnancy... So Why Do I Feel So Guilty Saying It?

I’m about to tell you one of my deepest, darkest secrets, something I only feel brave enough to write here from the comfort of my computer. When I took a pregnancy test for my second child, the immediate positive result wasn’t met with tears of joy or squeals of excitement. Instead, my gut reaction was, “Oh, sh*t.”

My husband and I had just started trying for a second kid, expecting the process to take at least a few months. Turns out, it happened with one try.

I feel so much guilt admitting that my immediate reaction wasn’t happiness. We were trying to get pregnant and wanted another child. I can’t emphasize enough how much privilege I know I have in being able to carry a baby and be able to conceive as quickly as we did. But to be completely honest, I hate being pregnant, even if the end result is worth it all (my toddler being a prime example). So, why do I feel so much guilt saying it?

During the first trimester with my first child, I went through weeks of nausea, headaches, and a level of tiredness that you really need to experience to understand. More than that, though, pregnancy severely heightened my pre-existing depression and anxiety. While my generalized anxiety disorder had been under control for years (thanks in large part to medicine and therapy), all that progress seemed wiped away with pregnancy. My obstetrician blamed it on the hormones, but that did little to help me deal with the daily side effects of constant panic and hopelessness.

While the worst of the symptoms subsided by the second trimester, I still didn’t come around to feeling like “myself” for quite some time. By the third trimester, I was incredibly uncomfortable, unable to sleep, and constantly dealing with some new ailment. The pregnancy ended in an emergency c-section, which, thankfully, resulted in my healthy and happy daughter.

But, throughout the pregnancy, I never wanted to admit I disliked it. Sure, I complained to my husband about symptoms, but I never spoke the quiet part out loud — I hated being pregnant. The statement came with far too much guilt, and I always felt like it implied I hated my kid, which couldn’t have been further from reality.

My pregnancy was tough and uncomfortable, but I also acknowledge it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. I had no major complications up until delivery, I didn’t deal with hyperemesis gravidarum, and I had a very supportive partner and family throughout.

However, and I truly believe this, something shouldn’t have to be the worst-case scenario to not like it. I know I didn’t experience the worst of what I could have, but for me, it was still a challenging enough experience that I was left feeling very conflicted about having to go through it again. In fact, in many ways, that experience is what made me keep putting off having a second kid again and again — I just simply didn’t want to go through pregnancy.

As I enter the second trimester of my second pregnancy, I can honestly say this time has been rougher than the first. In addition to symptoms that have been even more pronounced, I’ve also had to deal with them while taking care of a very active toddler. While I had hoped I might feel differently this time, the honest truth is I have hated pregnancy this time around as well.

But, this time around, I’ve been honest about it — and it’s made a difference. I haven’t held in how I’ve been feeling about it, letting my husband and those around me know I’m having a tough time. I don’t think I’m the only one it’s helped, either. I’ve had open conversations with friends about how they also couldn’t stand being pregnant, and how conflicted they felt with those feelings.

I can’t tell you how freeing it is to learn that not everyone loves being pregnant. It’s so easy to see joyful clips from early pregnancy on social media and feel like there’s something wrong with how you’re feeling. But it’s not a beloved experience by all, and there’s space for you to hold that while still being grateful to go through it at all. And I think the more people who are open about that, the less guilt others will have for feeling that way.

Morgan Flaherty is a contributing writer for Scary Mommy, where she has covered lifestyle pieces about topics such as beauty, travel, and parenting. When she’s not writing, Morgan is probably playing with new skincare and makeup, listening to a true crime podcast, or lamenting about how her baby daughter is growing up too fast.