The First Trimester Completely Sucks

Doctors, nurses, friends, family, the lady from down the block… Everyone will tell you that every pregnancy is different and a beautiful thing. It IS a beautiful thing; The mere fact that I’m growing a person inside of me right now is truly amazing.

It’s also sometimes complete torture.

I don’t care if you’re a man or a woman, adult or child; if you’ve had the pleasure (and yes, I use that term very loosely) of dealing with a female in her first trimester of pregnancy…you’ll recognize at least some of the reasons the first trimester totally sucks:

Morning Sickness is just a dream. Your dream. It’s that dream you had that told you you’d get a little bit queasy in the morning, but you’d eat a few crackers and all would be right in the world. It’s that dream that you heard from your friend who didn’t get any morning sickness at all. It’s that conversation that you have with yourself every morning as you’re face down in front of your favorite porcelain friend, no longer wondering why that long hair is stuck to the back of the toilet bowl. You have that conversation again during lunch, and again before dinner. Morning Sickness is some sick joke of a term that for some reason is still used. Those of us who have suffered know that it can happen at any point during the day, empty stomach, full stomach, feeling awesome or not. There is no rhyme or reason, and the medications that they offer to you rarely ever do the job for very long, if at all. I’ve been though accupuncture, sea bands, a plethora of foods and drinks, ginger, citrus, apples, and the prescriptions. Ladies, if you’re gonna come down with the sickness, there’s not much that can be done. If it’s any consolation, it’s proof of a growing and developing baby. That’s a positive, right?

Glowing is for Light Brites. You’ve been told that the pregnancy glow is one of the most amazing things that you could experience. That you’ll just be the light of the room and no matter where you go, people will smile because you have the glow! Everyone will know! Do you know what else? There’s a very strong chance that you may not ever achieve this glow. Especially if you have the pleasure of experiencing this so called ‘morning’ sickness. They’ll all just know based upon your baggy, circled, watery eyes. They’ll know based upon how green at the gills you are. Don’t be on a lookout for the glow. It likely will not happen.

The Good, the Bad, and the Acne. You’ve already faced it, morning sickness isn’t limited to just the mornings, glowing isn’t a given, and now while staring at your face in the mirror you start to notice the red, swollen skin that has raised in various areas of your body. You stop for a second and mutter under your breath that you really thought that your hormonal atrocities stopped as a teenager. Welcome to pregnancy! Your hormones are playing a major role in EVERYTHING that is happening to you right now, so aside from making sure that you keep your skin clean and dry, you can only cross your fingers and stay as hydrated as humanly possible. The good news is that it doesn’t last forever.

Eyeballs will leak without warning. You cry. You cry for one reason, every reason, or no reason. Even worse, once those weak little floodgates open….they’re nearly impossible to close without realizing that you’ve once again overreacted about something ridiculous. I wish I could say that this is something that just goes away, but you’re going to have to embrace it. Make sure you keep a tissue supply with you, because you just never know when it’ll happen. Smile, mamas. It’s a miracle, remember?

Your first trimester is by far the worst as your body adjusts to all of the changes. Sure, you’ll waddle and you’ll be uncomfortable down the line…but one baby growing step at a time. You’ll finally get to sleep a little (before that changes again in the third trimester), you won’t be so sick as your hormones stabilize, and maybe if you’re lucky…you’ll be able to control your floodgates. Cross your fingers and just try to enjoy the journey.

I know I am. Even if my husband looks at me like I’m an alien from time to time.

Related post: 10 Ways to Piss Off a Pregnant Woman