This Woman Pulling A Baby Gator From Her Pants At A Traffic Stop Is Peak Florida

Well, this isn’t something you see every day

Where would we be without Florida? Besides becoming a country with only 49 states, having less dramatic elections, and nowhere for old people to go get toasty in their retirement, we’d also have a much, much less exciting national news cycle. Take, for instance, this story of a woman being pulled over for reckless driving and when officers asked if she had anything on her, she pulled a foot-long alligator out of her pants.

As you do.

According to the Miami Herald, the Charlotte County Sheriff’s Office said driver Michael Clemons, 22, and Ariel Machan-Le Quire, 25, were stopped around 3:15 a.m. Monday in a blue pickup truck because they failed to stop at a stop sign in Punta Gorda. When the officer asked what they were doing out, they told him they were collecting frogs, snakes, and the like from under the overpass. Once again, as you do.

The officers asked permission to search their bags in the truck to make sure “they did not collect any wildlife they were not supposed to have,” a deputy wrote in the incident report. The couple agreed to the search and officers found a backpack containing 41 small turtles.

That’s when things went from bad to, well, hilarious.

When asked if she had anything else, Machan-Le Quire “proceeded to pull an alligator out of her yoga pants (about one foot in length) and placed it into the bed of the truck.”

I… I don’t even know what to say. Assuming positive intent here, perhaps she was just trying to keep the baby somewhere warm? But yoga pants? The poor thing was probably like, “You know what lady, I’m good. Can’t breathe. Send help.”

Luckily, Charlotte County seems to have a pretty good sense of humor about the entire situation, tweeting, “Not to be outdone by #Floridaman, a #FloridaWoman pulled this alligator out of her pants this morning during traffic stop after being asked the standard ‘Do you have anything else?’ She also had 41 3-stripe turtles in the car. @MyFWC responded to take over the investigation.”

If you aren’t familiar with #Floridaman, it’s a catch-all phrase for the bonkers things Floridians have been busted for while going about their days. There’s a man that was shot in the balls after trying to steal a woman’s air conditioner. Or the time a man burned down his house while baking cookies on his George Foreman grill (he was naked, obvi). There was even a viral challenge called “Google Florida man” because so many strange things happen in that state it’s a wonder anyone’s still alive.

Charlotte County Sheriff’s Office tells Scary Mommy the officers “were definitely surprised” and it “wasn’t what they were expecting!” The case has now been turned over to the Florida Fish and Wildlife Commission who is currently investigating. When asked if this has ever happened before, they said: “It’s definitely a first, at least for our agency.”

There’s no word if the couple will be charged or if there’s anything in the law books that actually covers this type of nonsense. Luckily, no animals were hurt in the making of this horror film; the baby croc (and turtles) were returned to the water safely to live out the rest of their days trying to erase this from their now-scarred memories.

Stay weird, Florida.