This Woman Who Accidentally Bought NSFW Throw Pillows Is All Of Our Moms

Penis throw pillows are a thing with a thing on them

We’d venture to say that most of us can imagine our mothers buying a throw pillow that they didn’t notice has genitalia on it. Frankly, most of us are probably surprised this hasn’t happened already. According to one poster on Reddit, his mother did just that recently, and we are all super uncomfortable for him.

A poster on Reddit’s Funny subreddit named Waffle_Twat (snatch…I mean, natch) posted this picture with the heading, “My mother bought these throw pillows.”

Apparently, it takes some people some time to figure out what they’re looking at. Most of us, however, look at this pillow and say, “Hey. There’s a big ol’ veiny dick on that pillow.” Then we take a second look and say, “Hey. There’s a whole bunch of dicks on that pillow.” And we are correct because this is a penis-patterned throw pillow and it is for sale at more than one place online.

If, like this guy’s mom, you enjoy the look of an uncircumcised penis flower in full bloom then you can buy a pillow in this pattern from Look Human. It’s available in different sizes, from 14-inches to 20-inches. It also comes in indoor and outdoor fabric, so it’s important that someone out there buys one of these things and puts it in a hammock. Just saying.

I’m not much of a dick pillow gal, but I have to admit that if you look at them from far away from they’re actually quite lovely. It’s when you get up close that you realize they are not all they’re cracked up to be, which, incidentally, is also true of most penises.

Now, if your taste runs toward the bold and unapologetic, take a look at these penis pillows available from Amazon. You don’t want guests to say, “Is it just me or do those flowers look like penises?” You want them to say, “Yup. There are cocks on that cushion.” These pillows also come in a more neutral navy color so you can fluff them up and put them just about anywhere.

This floral penis trend is perfect for people who just love themselves some dick. My editor suggested that they might make a lovely passive-aggressive hostess gift for your mother-in-law, and now I’m convinced that subtle revenge is their reason for being. Maybe you can get them monogrammed, or have your nemesis’s full name sewn on them in red thread. Or maybe make it a present from the kids and get “My grandma is like a flower” printed on them. I’m just brainstorming, here.

Regardless, we are both proud and fearful of the fact that pillows like this are out there in the world where our mothers can see them and think they’re pretty and bring them home and then we come over and our dads are sitting on a couch with a penis pillow next to him. No one wants that. We will take two (of course) for the front porch, though.