Why Terrible Tweens Are The New Terrible Twos

When you have a baby, the most common thing people do is warn you about the most awful milestones they'll have growing up. As if listing them off when your baby is a newborn will somehow better prepare you for what's ahead. They always mention teething days, the terrible twos, and the rebellious nature of the blossoming teenager. But no one, and I do mean NO ONE, ever warned me about the emotional, angst-ridden, social-media-fueled attitude that is the terrifying tween — and for me, so far, it's worse than all the other stages combined.

Seriously, bruh. No cap.

Or at least that's what my 11-year-old would say while scarfing down his third meal of the day, scrolling through Fortnite videos on YouTube, and trying to find yet another way to get out of cleaning his room. It could be the in-between era for him. Or maybe it's just how his generation is learning to behave. But I know one thing for sure: If I thought his threenager fits were rough, I hadn't seen anything yet.

A" tween" is typically defined as a child between the ages of 10-12, thus called so because they are between the stages of a child and a teenager. The double digits immediately disqualify them from being considered little kids anymore, but they haven't quite reached the magical number 13 yet, which somehow qualifies them to be an almost-adult.

Dr. Sham Singh, a psychiatrist at WINIT Clinic, tells me, "The years from 10 to 12 are a transition period in the life of a child, where the child undergoes so many physical, emotional, and hormonal changes that both he and his parents find difficult to cope with."

He ain't kidding.

Kids grow up too fast. We all know that. But it seems their lives up to this point ~eased~ into the new stages, giving you time to adjust and react accordingly. This stage, though? One minute, my son was tiny and loved snuggles and toy dirt bikes, then I blinked — now he's taller than me, asking his Dad when he's going to get armpit hair, and insisting the much older girl in his archery club was definitely flirting with his cousin.

Like… what? You ate how much today? You've grown two shoe sizes in four months? Why are you wearing that? Do you have to tell me about your bodily functions? Of course, I still love you! No, you do not suck at everything. You might have a crush?!

Instead of coming in baby steps that are easy to follow, it happens all at once for the both of you. Some days, it's so much that nothing you say is right, everything they do is frustrating, and no matter what you do, it's probably going to start a fight. Or at least spur on a very long and broody pouting session.

Singh tries to explain, "Physically, [tweens] begin to enter the early stages of puberty, which not only introduces bodily changes but also increases self-consciousness and sensitivity. Emotionally, it's a time when tweens are seeking more autonomy and still do need guidance from their parents; hence, tiffs and misunderstandings arise. The social realm gets more complicated: Friendships and peer relationships take center stage, which is a sensitive stage for them to get the right balance of support from their parents."

Tell me again why no one mentions this stage? Because the struggle is real.

My sweet boy, who carried around the same old worn-out blanket for the first nine years of his life, turned 10 and suddenly retired his stuffed animals and covered his walls in football posters and fishing memorabilia. He traded the crayons and bookshelf for a corner desk big enough to house his Xbox and TV, complete with a Bluetooth-compatible gaming chair. He doesn't call his friends; he uses his iPad to Facetime them instead. He learned the complete NFL roster from YouTube faster than he learned his ABCs. And he worries more about creasing his shoes (whatever that means) than just being grateful he has shoes — but only if they're Nikes, so no one will laugh at him.

For a kid who never cared what anyone thought of him, cruising into the middle school age found us buying name-brand clothes, a certain kind of sweatpants, and overpowering body spray and deodorant. Don't even get me started on the devices these tweens can't seem to live without. It's like they entered this stage and suddenly became experts on Apple products and gaming systems. And because so-and-so has one, they need one too or they'll die.

Apparently, being this age is expensive... or at least it is now. *Cue the millennial urge to wax nostalgic* because those things didn't seem to matter when I was a kid. We watched cartoons with commercials between them and walked to the river and didn't need a cell phone before we started traveling for sports in high school.

However, this generation has something else dictating what's "cool" and what's not. Today's tweens are growing up in a social media culture, which controls much of what they want, how they act, and why anything and everything matters in their world.

"Social media is everywhere in the lives of kids today, and it's impacting their development," Singh says. "The average age of getting a smartphone is around 10 years old, and that's when they're introduced to apps like Snapchat, TikTok, and YouTube at a critical stage of their cognitive and emotional development. Early and constant exposure can impact self-worth as kids compare themselves to curated and often unattainable images of influencers."

Moms and dads are just regular people. So it's hard competing with online royalty and YouTubers who do insane things for cash, especially when your child believes these same people are the smartest, funniest, and most knowledgeable human beings on the planet. This makes it even harder for tweens to find common ground with their parents.

Singh acknowledged the role of parents and guardians in mediating and guiding their kid's social media use. Fellow tween mother Jesse Tippett agrees with him, saying, "Social media is so different now from when I was growing up, so trying to show them what is acceptable behavior is more difficult because they are being influenced by what they see online."

There are so many hard things about being the mom of a tween. From the rapid growth rate, emotional outbursts, and insatiable appetite to the constant need for approval and overwhelming fascination with the apps on their tablet, it's difficult for a parent to navigate all the changes. Then again, I can't even imagine being a 10-year-old child trying to grow up in the world we live in now. It's a lot for both parent and child, which can be blamed on a number of factors.

Mostly, though, it's just another phase that will eventually pass.