If Grandma Won't Stop Body Shaming, She Might Be “Gramarexic”
They always seems to have something to say about your kid’s body or their eating habits.
It’s hard enough to instill positive body image in your children without unwanted intervention from family members. If Grandma can’t seem to help but make an unnecessary comment about your child’s body at dinner, you might find yourself dealing with a “Gramarexic.”
Nora McInerny shared a clip from her show Feelings & Co on Instagram, where a fan submitted a personal story of grandparent body shaming — and she coined the perfect term to describe the phenomenon.
“This one hurts,” McInerny said.
“My mother-in-law asked my 14-year-old daughter if she's planning to go on a diet,” she read from a message sent to her from a viewer.
Imagine? Well, you might not have to. You might be well-acquainted with a mother or mother-in-law who’s favorite hobby seems to be taking a wrecking ball to your kid’s self-esteem.
“Something has to be done about these ‘Gramarexics,’” McInerny said.
What is a “Gramarexic”?
The term “Gramarexic” encapsulates that certain archetype of older relative, usually a grandmother, who always seems to have something to say about your kid’s body or their eating habits. She might also comment on her own body and other people’s body in inappropriate or critical ways in front of your kids.
Many Gramarexics are constantly on a diet, body-shame themselves and others, and hold out-of-date ideas and thoughts about food and wellness.
“Women of a certain age, they just can't stop talking about their bodies and about other people's bodies,” McInerny explained.
And it can indeed be all-consuming, as one commenter shared.
“One of the last things my grandmother said to me on her literal deathbed was a comment about how big I was getting. Her obsession with weight and looks consumed her mind even to the very bitter end,” the commenter wrote.
And, look, we don’t have a total lack of sympathy — all women, especially older women, have dealt with strict standards for their body for so long, that any negative comment can be taken as a projection of their personal insecurities and the deep problems of our patriarchal society.
“I know that is deeply ingrained. I know that this is like generations of conditioning women to be small,” McInerny said. “But, if you are an adult woman, and you say to a child, really, to anybody, but especially a child, especially my child, ‘Are you planning to go on a diet?’ Immediate prison, life sentence, no chance of parole, I'm throwing the book at you.”
I have to say, I agree with McInerny here. We might understand where Grandma is coming from, but this kind of comment can stick with kids for years.
“My grandmother told my mother that she should get me a weight watcher magazine subscription when I was in 4th grade! 😩. I was a chubby 10 year old. 50 years later I still remember the shame. That ‘helpfulness’ isn’t helpful,” another commenter added.
No matter what Grandma might have gone though personally, or what kind of culture she grew up in, that doesn’t excuse sentencing the next generation to years of the same struggles. The best thing you can do for your kids is to shut down that kind of talk as soon as it happens. You might not be able to save Grandma from her inner thoughts and programming, but you can certainly try your hardest to protect your kid’s self worth.
