14 Weird Things We’ve Told Our Kids To Get Them To Eat Their Food

I remember handing my two-year-old a bowl of barley topped with curried lentils. While he happily used his chubby hands to shovel it into his adorable little mouth, I remember thinking to myself, “I am the greatest mother alive. Picky eating is for lazy parents. My kid will never eat chicken nuggets and pizza. This is how it is always going to be.”

Well, that was two kids and ten years ago, and I can tell you what I’ve eaten since then.

Humble. Freaking. Pie.

I just thank my lucky stars that my kids are obsessed with their vitamins. Their Renzo’s Vitamins ‘Melty Tabs’ are made with 18 vitamins — which is approximately 18 more than they get from the food I cook since they literally refuse to eat it half the time. My kids love how the tab melts on their tongue, and I love that Renzo’s has all the nutrients and minerals my kids need, without the sugar and other junk typically found in gummies. I’ve even got a subscription, y’all. I save 15% and I get the peace of mind of knowing I won’t run out on a day when my kids are organizing a hunger strike.

I am so not alone. We are all out here trying to get these kids to eat something that actually contains some kind of nutrition, and sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures. So, we … well, we make stuff up. My friend Lauren calls rice “fairy seeds,” and her kids gobble it up.

Whatever, man. We do what we have to do.

Scary Mommy asked our readers, “What’s the harmless fib or silly story you’ve told your kids to try to get them to try a new food?” Boy, did they deliver.

A food by any other name … well, it tastes exactly the same, but do our kids know that?

“I told my niece called bologna was ‘flat hot dogs’ because she would only hot dogs and chicken nuggets. Worked like a charm.” — Rebecca S.

“I told my son broccoli was ‘baby trees.’ I’m not sure why that made it more palatable, but it did.” — Kristen M.

“I make ‘taco chips’ because, according to my children, nachos are disgusting.” — Caila D.

“Flax seeds and chia seeds are ‘sprinkles’ that he gets to put on anything he wants.” — Gilliana G.

“I actually got my kid to eat pork loin once by cutting it in squares, so forever thereafter we called it "square meat," and he would eat it.” — Jessica B.

Tastes like chicken?

“My daughter ‘hates’ sausage patties, but she will go to town on ‘breakfast chicken.’ She hasn’t questioned yet why they come out of the same package.” — Katie C.

“When my son was little, all meat was chicken. Beef was chicken, pork was chicken, fish sticks were chicken. Everything was chicken.” — Sadie L.

One thing I don’t have to lie about? Renzo’s Vitamins. I know that they are Zero Sugar, Vegan, Gluten-Free, Non-GMO, contain no artificial flavors or sweeteners, AND contain xylitol, which is totally tooth-friendly! My kids just know that they’re yummy.

They won’t try new foods for mom, so we ask them to do it for, like, literally anybody else.

“I have her baby doll ask her to eat it. She won’t do it for mommy, but she will for her baby doll.” — Lauren M.

“I tell my kids that Ms. Amy gave me the recipe or the food. She is the person who prepares the meals at daycare, and they love her food more than mine.” — Brittany B.

“My kid won’t try a single thing for me, but my husband can come in with, ‘Aw, come on, dude, just taste it so Mom will stop asking,’ and he eats it right up. Kid thinks they’re on the same team, but Dad and I know what’s up.” — Anna S.

Milk isn’t the only thing that does a body good.

“We told our son that pretty much anything new was ‘protein.’ He was convinced that ‘protein’ is what made bodies be healthy and grow. Salmon, tofu, egg salad, tuna, all different kinds of meat with different spices. He’s pretty game to try all ‘protein.’” — Charline L.

“Carrots will help you see in the dark!” — Jillian L.

“My grandmother always told us kids that oatmeal sticks to your insides to keep you warm outside while playing. I passed that info onto my kids, and now they eat oatmeal for breakfast all winter long without complaint.” — Julie H.

Doing whatever it takes to get our kids to ingest all the vitamins and nutrients they need is just part of this whole parenthood thing. If you have to tell a few white lies, just go with it. Your kids need to eat.

In the meantime, give your chicken-nugget-loving kiddo a dose of the good stuff by trying Renzo’s Melty Tabs totally risk free. If your child doesn't like these tasty dissolvable vitamins, they’ll refund your money, no questions asked. (But they’re totally going to like them. Trust me.)