This Dad Says That His Kids Should Come Second To Marriage In Family Priorities

When we start having kids and growing our families, marriage can tend to get put on the back burner. We have school projects, night wakings, gymnastic classes, and playdates. We mitigate fights. We’re gentle parenting through tantrums. And sometimes, when things aren’t going well in the family unit, spouses can turn on each other. My husband and I have taken out our stress and anger on each other many times.

One dad, Stevie Hendrix, shared his thoughts as a guest on the podcast, The Long Game with Brittany and Anthony Xavier, noting that putting his wife first, before his kids, is actually the true key to a happy and healthy family unit.

In the clip, which is now making the rounds on Instagram, he explains that when he is transparent and open with his kids about mom coming first, they are actually better for it. Now, that may seem counterintuitive. How should our kids feel when mom and dad decide to ditch them? Wouldn’t that make them feel worse? In his opinion, this method actually does the opposite!

“I came home, I would tell my kids, ‘I'm spending time with your mom, and she's first. And you guys can play for a little bit, but I'm gonna sit on the couch, and I'm gonna hang out with your mom.’ When you actually put each other first, not just say it, like, ‘Oh, your mom is first,’ but when you actually physically do it, your kids respond in such a way that they actually feel a lot more security,” he said.

“By loving your spouse, you are actually even, by extension, loving your kids.”

This ideology is not about dismissing or neglecting children. Prioritizing spouses can create a family unit and environment where respect and connection are modeled by parents. Kids can know that they have a solid foundation. It’s also a great example to set for your children if they decide to look for a spouse when they are older.

After the clip went viral on Instagram from a repost, several users commented on the clip with their own thoughts on this method.

One user was not so keen on the idea and shared, “i would not feel happy to know my husband comes home from work and says he wants to spent time with me first, and they have to go and play! They’ve been waiting for him the whole day to just shut them down like this?! I think there are other ways of showing the marriage is important, and the connection between partners, not by choosing me over the kids when he comes home…”

Another echoed, “Meh. Children don’t really have a maturity to understand that type of tone and the value behind prioritizing marriage, blah blah blah. Just spend time with your kids are only little for such a short blip of your entire lifespan on this earth. They also go to sleep a lot earlier, so maybe that’s the time to spend time with your wife”. Instead of making it a competition or not giving the children the attention they desperately need to grow and thrive. ✅”

“A secure marriage understands that children come first,” another said.

Some users agreed with the notion, writing, “My dad always said, ‘The most important thing a dad can do for his children is love their mother’ 🔥👏”

“100% (then sadly, the converse is also true). Choose love…model it for the kids. ❤️” another wrote.

One user pointed out that this kind of method can work, but there are some caveats.

“I get the premise here but let's be clear. This will only work if your kids are already secure & have extremely regulated nervous systems. With most of the parents I work with (neurodivergent families) this would simply not work,” she wrote.

“Generally speaking our kids need to know that they are first. That you would save them if there was a threat. It's a survival instinct. For many kids this would put them into fight/flight. Just want to name this because I can imagine parents feeling like they are failing or their kids are broken if they cannot achieve this. For many this will not be possible and that is ok. We can find other ways to prioritize the parental relationship...”