If You Let Your Kids Run Wild In Someone Else’s House, You’re A Jerk

I heard the comments when my kids were young and I hear them now that they are old enough to know other peoples’ homes aren’t jungle gyms: “Did you see how she just let her kids run wild?” “She doesn’t even watch them in someone else’s house?” “Her kids were jumping all over the place and putting their dirty little hands on everything.”

I get it, looking after your kids, especially when they’re on unknown territory where everything is new and excited is fucking exhausting. It takes work. You feel like you’re repeating yourself. And what you really want to do is lean back with a boozy beverage, participate in the conversation, lose yourself a little and not have to look after the little monsters.

But the truth is they are your monsters to look after and if you can’t handle it, don’t take them to places where they can really mess shit up, because I assure you, they will mess shit up. I had three of them, so I know.

It didn’t matter how many times we had the ‘talk’ about manners and not running or yelling or touching things on the way there. It didn't matter how many bedtime stories I withheld. It didn’t matter if I threatened their screen time. If they were left to their own devices they would run wild in a new place every single time. So I had to be on them. That meant I couldn’t pay too much attention to anything but what they were doing. That meant I was too tired to stay away from home for too long. That meant I’d get grumpy and irritable if they weren’t behaving and we’d have to leave.

But because I hated it when people brought their kids over and didn’t respect my house, I never wanted to do it to anyone else. I’m not talking about kids being loud, or running a little bit, or wanting to be active. I’m talking about kids who are touching things they shouldn’t be touching, jumping on the furniture, sliding down the stairs, and coloring on the damn coffee table that my father made. I’m talking about moms who slice the air with their hands and say, “Oh kids will be kids,” without a care in the world as their child is smearing jelly on the barstools. I’m talking about parents who let their kids bring food into fine jewelry stores (oh yes it happens) and aren’t watching them at all as they touch the glass and jump in place while they throw french fries. I think it’s called free range parenting or something?

No our kids aren’t little robots, and yes they should be autonomous and free to express themselves. But it’s up to us as parents to teach them how to behave in a place that isn’t theirs, that other people's homes and belongings aren’t theirs and there’s a way to enjoy them without damaging them or making a mess they can’t clean up.

So if you’re letting your kids run wild in a public place or someone else’s home, I think you’re a jerk. And from one mom to another, yeah, it’s hard to keep tabs on your kids, but you notice that your social calendar is shrinking and you aren’t getting as many invites to playdates or dinner parties, maybe it’s your fault.

But what do I know? I’m just a mom who had three toddlers at once.

Katie lives in Maine with her three kids, two ducks, and a Goldendoodle. When she’s not writing, she’s reading, at the gym, redecorating her home, or spending too much money online.