I Never Want A Woman To Ask My Son Who Raised Him

I’ve heard women say, “Who raised that man?” so many times it’s become white noise. It’s said about a man who doesn’t know how to treat a woman, a man who’s rude at a restaurant, or a man who doesn’t hold a door open when someone is approaching with their arms full, and on and on. I mean, we’ve all said, “Who raised him?!” at least once in our lives.

And while I don’t believe that a woman should be blamed for a man’s behavior — especially a man over 25 because by then he should really know better — I do want to make sure I’m doing my part in showing my son how to be the best man he can be.

As his mother, I’ve taught my son from the time he was little how to treat other people. That especially includes women; I’ve run into too many men who have no clue how to treat a woman (no, I’m not blaming their mothers). So it was important to do my best to raise a man who is self aware and knows that it’s okay to be vulnerable and in touch with his feelings because that means he’ll be empathetic to others.

That means when I see him say something to his girlfriend that seems rude, I'll talk to him about it. I’ve educated him on women’s hormones and I have told him to never make a woman feel uncomfortable about having a cycle; that he needs to normalize it and he should never act weird about it. I took him to therapy when he was struggling with anger issues as a teenager because I knew if he didn’t find a healthy way to deal with it then, things would only get worse.

I’ve talked to him a lot about the power in talking about your feelings with someone you trust, not stuffing his feelings, and how the term ‘man up’ is toxic because we all rise and fall at times and it’s okay. I want to raise him to be a man of service, to see how he can help others, not someone who is always looking for how people can help him.

I certainly haven’t done a perfect job; there were a lot of times when I didn’t have the strength or energy to address a behavior but I knew if I let it go, he’d definitely be one of those men that made people ask who raised him. And maybe they still do, but I can only hope that the work we’ve done over the years will make a difference.

Obviously he’s going to do what he wants to do, and I have no idea if he holds open doors for people, and clears his girlfriend’s plate from the table when I’m not around. But he does when I’m around. And if you ask me, that’s a good place to start.

Katie lives in Maine with her three kids, two ducks, and a Goldendoodle. When she’s not writing, she’s reading, at the gym, redecorating her home, or spending too much money online.