I Always Wanted A Gilmore Girls Relationship With My Mom, But I’m Honestly Happy It’s Not

I’m watching Gilmore Girls for the 100th time. On the screen, fast-talking mom Lorelai manically asks her 16-year-old daughter Rory to join her on an impromptu road trip the night before her wedding. Confused, responsible Rory demands why as Lorelai dodges questions before breaking down and admitting she can’t marry Max. Lorelai’s face slips into vulnerability for the first time, and Rory doesn’t hesitate to join in on the packing.

I was always struck by how emotionally raw and trusting this mom and daughter were in that moment. I could never have imagined having that type of relationship with anyone... let alone my own mom.

The show’s creator, Amy Sherman-Palladino, pitched the series as a mother and daughter who were more like best friends. So, Lorelai, who became pregnant at 16, acts more like a teen, whereas her 16-year-old daughter Rory is the more responsible, cautious side of the coin.

The dynamic is gold — my sisters and I would religiously follow the lives of this fast-talking duo from small town Stars Hollow. Sure, we loved Rory’s boyfriends and the eccentric town, but the cozy, warm relationship between Rory and her mom always stood out for me.

When my dad left, my mom took a part-time job after her 9-5 office one. Our schedules kept us apart. She’d make pitstops to the house from job to job, and I’d go to school and stay late for extracurriculars. Constantly tired and understandably testy, she’d rest in the living room, and I’d give her space.

My sisters and I were left to our own devices often. My oldest sister drove me to my SATs as Lorelai helped Rory debate colleges. I ran for student body vice president as Lorelai tearfully watched Rory graduate high school.

My mom didn’t have a baby at 16 like Lorelai, but she essentially raised us herself. Like how Lorelai left her parents’ wealth and home to build a business herself, my mom left the Philippines, knowing just my dad in the U.S. I’m still impressed by how, without a network, she built a career and a life here.

Watching the episode where Lorelai and Rory leave the night before the wedding, all I see is Lorelai’s immaturity. Earlier in the episode, her fiancé Max asked her how they’d handle parenting Rory, and Lorelai can’t help but give sarcastic responses. When he sleeps in her bed, she sneaks to Rory’s room to sleep because she’s weirded out by having a boy there.

As funny as it is to see an adult-child with a child, I feel bad that Rory had to grow up so fast and be the responsible one.

When it’s good for the Gilmore girls, it’s good. They have town events, a strong relationship with the diner owner, Luke, and stomachs of steel that can eat everything. But when it’s bad, like Rory getting into a car accident and Lorelai misplacing her anger at Luke, it’s unnecessarily messy.

Their dynamic holds them back.

Despite leaving Max at the altar, Lorelai chases him in Season 2. In Season 1, when Rory gets an F on a paper, she accidentally sleeps in and then ends up yelling at her class. In Season 7, Rory receives negative feedback from an editor, and she steals a boat in response. The Gilmores are stuck in a Sisyphean struggle of trying to win without doing anything differently than before. I’d be upset if it wasn’t so entertaining.

Rory’s always perfect and smart. Lorelai’s eccentric and fun. They don’t respect others, so they’re not challenged to be better.

As is true with many teenagers, my mom and I argued a lot. My overthinking irritated her; her overt chattiness embarrassed me. Yet our push-pull forced us to look at ourselves and try things differently. I’d talk more openly about my emotions during long drives (she was a nervous driver). And my mom would drag me to parties, where she’d command a room’s attention.

Like Rory, I was a quiet bookworm, but I learned how to be more confident and outgoing from watching my mom. I think she got a better understanding of my anxiety through our talks — I can tell she’s trying.

Rory and Lorelai might have an envious relationship on screen, but in reality, I’d rather keep the continuing growth my mom and I have.

Georgette Eva is a freelance writer who covers everything from tech to pop culture. She's a morning person and you'll most likely find her with coffee and her laptop, writing about her big feelings on remote work, Gilmore Girls, breakfast, and beyond. Find her work at www.morningpersonstudio.co or catch her on social @yaygeorgette.