The Phrase You Shouldn't Use When Your Kid Asks About Sex

“Mom, what does 69 mean?” As your kids grow up, it is of the utmost importance to have a response locked and loaded, because you will be asked that question (or one similar to it), and you do not want to be caught off guard.

Conversations with your kid about sex can be majorly awkward, and you might find yourself pulling a classic trick from the ol’ parenting handbook: give a mostly-PG half answer (“It’s a sex position”) and then follow up with, “Do you want to know more?”

On paper, this method seems like a win-win, by letting your kid determine how much they’re ready to hear, while also letting you off the hook if they (fingers crossed!) decide they’re content. But in reality, this simple question might be doing more harm than good, according to sex educator Kathleen Hema.

“Parents, I want you to stop saying, ‘Do you want to know more?’” Hema said in a recent TikTok. “By saying that, you are putting it back on your kid and you are telling them, ‘Hey, when you have questions, you're going to come to me, I'm going to give you a vague answer, and then I'm going to ask you if you want more information, because I don't know how much information to really give you.’”

Hema asked that parents put themselves in their curious kid’s shoes for a moment.

“They're asking you this question, ‘What is 69,’ and then if you're making them say, ‘Yes, I want to know more about sexual positions,’ no kid is going to say that,” she explained.

If your kid is unsatisfied with your answer, and embarrassed to press any further, they won’t just give up, Hema noted. More likely than not, they’ll take to the Internet to fill in the blanks, which could expose them to inappropriate content and dangerous misinformation.

The best way to avoid this is by fully answering the question — in an age-appropriate manner, of course (Hema has plenty of content on her TikTok and website to help you out with that, too).

Despite Hema encouraging age-appropriate conversations, many parents in the comments still shared concerns about teaching kids too much before they’re ready.

“I give too much information though, so in order to respect their comfort level and desire to know more, I need to leave the door open a bit,” one mom wrote. “Too much isn’t good either.”

But, as another parent said, kids are often more than happy to shut you up if the conversation has extended past their comfort levels.

“I usually start giving them answers and then they say ok that's enough 🤷🏼‍♀️” she wrote.

“Finding the perfect balance as parents is a another parenting level unlocked!” Hema responded.