Your Role As A Grandparent Is Different When Your Daughter-In-Law Has A Baby
“This is my son's first baby, but I'm definitely not as needed.”
Becoming a grandparent is so exciting — I mean, come on, your babies are having babies! But, what about when it’s not your baby that’s doing the pushing?
When your daughter-in-law is the birthing parent, grandparenting can look a little bit different. But, we promise, it’s not a bad thing!
TikTok user and veteran grandma, @candir0420 (we’ll call her Candi), shared how she has adjusted to her role of being the new dad’s mom.
“When my daughter gave birth to all three of my granddaughters, I was there. I was more involved. I was at the house helping with the kids,” Candi explained. “This is my son's first baby, but I'm definitely not as needed.”
Candi explained that she certainly still visits and helps out with her son’s growing family, but to a lesser degree than when her daughter newly postpartum.
“I have to sit back, because I'm an advice giver when nobody wants my advice,” she joked.
New moms want and need support from all corners, but sometimes, your role dictates a different kind of support. As the mom to a new mom, you might be the go-to person for advice and babysitting and emotional support. As a mother-in-law, that may simply not be your place.
“I have to be respectful of this mommy, and they are doing fabulous,” Candi said. “It's just a very different feeling.”
The comments applauded Candi’s awareness, and largely agreed that she was doing the right thing by taking on a smaller role with her daughter-in-law.
“Your self awareness as a MIL is so appreciated!!” one user said.
“As a DIL, taking a step back, often gains you a step forward,” another said. “I am over involved to my MIL because she respects me and our boundaries.”
“I love my MIL. But I’m the one postpartum. I need my mom there, not his. It’s different,” another added.
Some users also shared their disappointment that they won’t be able to take on a more involved role, as a mother of boys.
“Crying in boy mom,” one said.
Whether or not you’re the most involved grandparent, you’re still a grandparent! A suggestion for the boy moms and parents of the non-birthing partners out there: let the exhausted new mom dictate your role in her new family.
