Is A Work Commute A Break From Parenting? These Parents Say It Absolutely Is.
“Do not come home and need a decompression time. Your drive home was the decompression time.”
I have a friend who works from home. She holes up in her office upstairs while her kids roam around on the main level being watched by a nanny or a grandparent. Despite having help during the day, she still hears every cry. Every whine. Every argument between her kids. She helps with lunch. She takes walks with the kids. She is the default parent.
Her husband works at an office in a neighboring town 30 minutes away. And yet, when he comes home from work, he heads to the garage for a workout or a beer. He needs alone time. He had a rough day at work. Do we see something terribly wrong with this picture?
One dad and podcaster is begging parents who are not the default parent to look at their commute as a nice break — a time to decompress from a stressful work environment and prep their mind and body for parenting.
“Anybody that says that a commute is not a break, I can promise you, you're not the default parent at home with the kids or on the weekends or whenever. You are not the default parent,” husband, father, and TikTok content creator, Jimmy Knowles explained on The Mom Room podcast, hosted by Renee Reina.
“I promise you that. Because the default parent would 100% consider that a break.”
Reina chimes in, “If you don't consider a commuter break, consider yourself lucky because some people do consider that a break when you're home with little kids.”
Knowles goes on, “We as men, like, we can't do this. This is not 1940 anymore. Like, do not come home and need a decompression time. Your drive home was the decompression time. That was 30 minutes. You didn't have any babies crawling at you. You didn't have people screaming at you. You weren't handing out any snacks and you didn't have to make dinner.”
Can we go one step forward and say that working somewhere that is not at home is also a break? You get to chat with other adults. You get to eat lunch without someone clawing at your sandwich. You get to not be a parent for over 8 hours! That is the break of all breaks!
Several TikTok users agreed with the podcasters, sharing their own perspectives.
“I'm the default parent. Some days my break is from the time I strap her in close her car door and walk around the car to get in myself. 😅😅” one user said.
Another wrote, “My husband and I had this exact conversation when our kids were under 5. I said “ I would LOVE to sit in traffic for 40 min listening to a podcast alone !!’
Other parents totally disagreed with the take.
“Default parent here and my commute home is absolutely not a break. It’s probably the most stressful time of my day. Racing home for 2nd shift and missing my remote days. Hate my commute and it’s easy,” one mom noted.
Another said, “I disagree on this one. I’m the default parent and driving in rush hour is stressful”
One more person commented, “Default parent with a long commute in traffic. It’s not a break, it’s just different stress. I have to plan life for the household around the long commute and I miss a lot of time in places I’m needed”
