A Mom Explains Why Oldest Children Often Get Fewer Cuddles
And then she shares what happened when she started cuddling her oldest again.
Most parents of multiples know that each of their children hold a special place in their heart in such different ways. Moms hold on tight to their youngest kids, knowing that each moment is fleeting, snuggling them, and babying them just a little bit longer than they did their other kids because this is the last one.
Looking back, one mom on TikTok shared some regrets she had about how she lost that physical connection with her oldest kid, sharing that she’s working to get some of those snuggle-moments back.
TikTok Mom Kyli Choi shared how she recalled a conversation with one of her mom friends about the physical connection between her oldest child and herself. She noted that as her kid had gotten older, their physical connection had lessened. At the time, Choi remembered saying she “couldn't quite fathom” that idea.
“She said that she didn't really like like cuddling and kissing and being like physically affectionate with her oldest because in her mind they weren't babies,” she said.
Now that she has kids of her own, she realized that she was following this same pattern.
“Last night, I realized that I wasn't doing those things to my oldest, but I was like, kissing and cuddling my ten-month-old baby, right?” she said before explaining the two-fold reasoning behind their physical distance.
“She got older, but also, she told me that she didn't like wet kisses, and you know like, she didn't like me kissing her. So, showing her body autonomy, I stopped, but I think at the same time, I kind of just stopped doing all the other things too ... like being very physically affectionate with her because somehow I looped in the kissing with the hugging and the tickling all that together.”
She then blames herself a little bit, recalling that with her first born, things were rushed from “one milestone to the next.”
She continued, “I was very like, an anxious mom, and I didn't thoroughly enjoy her as a baby, like I was just like, ‘Oh my gosh, when is she gonna talk? When is she gonna walk? When is she gonna start playing?’ It was always like, ‘When is the next milestone coming for her?’”
“I rushed her to grow up, sort of.”
To try and gain back some of that closeness she feels she lost with her oldest child, she decided to view her as a “baby” again.
“I didn't kiss her, but I did ask if I could cuddle her,” she said before retelling the sweet moment of holding her daughter, playing with her hair, nuzzling next to her.
“It was so lovely,” she admitted. “So to any of you moms who have older kids, and you've forgotten or maybe, I don't know how to say it, it's almost like we kind of get grossed out, or they get grossed out ... because they're not babies anymore [and it’s] this awkward phase ... just remember that they're your baby and cuddle them because they do grow up really fast,” she advised.
After Choi’s video went viral, thousands of moms related with her complicated feelings, sharing about their own relationships.
“I ALWAYS tell people the hardiest thing about having another kid is loosing THAT bond with the 1st,” one mom wrote.
Another said, “I needed to hear this tonight. It’s so hard being a mom sometimes. I hate to think about how my oldest grew up with me. Time is truly such a thief.”
Choi replied, “Time really Is. I hate it. I hate looking at old videos sometimes cuz it reminds me of dark times where I wasn’t as loving and it makes me sick. 🥺”
One mom wrote, “My oldest needs it more than anyone else!”
“This is so true. I’ve started being cuddly with my oldest and omg the change in her 🥺. I’m mad at myself for not seeing that she still needed that,” another admitted.
The OP replied, “Me too. I’m like… why didn’t I see it sooner?! I love that it Changed her. Good job mama ❤️.”
