Nordstrom Punk'd Us: Plastic Peephole Pants Dubbed As 'Mom Jeans'

When I first saw these “futuristic” mom jeans with plastic cutouts in the knees, I wondered if they were considered mom jeans because the zipper is long enough to cover the entire pubic region, or because the plastic is strategically placed to allow all of us super busy moms to show off on the days we only have time to shave our knees since our kids decide to turn our homes into romper rooms and dabble in the spice drawer every time we try to spend more than two minutes in the shower.

You may be looking at these thinking, “What the actual fuck?” but hold up a minute, you need a see-through denim situation in your life. I love a good pair of rips and these deliver in a new, exciting way. They aren’t all about looks either, they get an A for function.

You will look sexy as fuck running errands on a rainy day while keeping your knees dry at the same time. I can’t believe I have had to put up with having rain-soaked knees for over 40 years. I’m thinking about purchasing a matching clear umbrella and rain slicker to complete the ensemble.

They are sure to be extra durable and hold up really well considering all the time you spend on your knees picking up toys and scrubbing mystery stains out of the carpet. And if you bust the plastic during a rage clean, it can easily be replaced. Look no further than your kitchen cupboard for some of those brand name freezer bags — the cheap stuff won’t hold up, after all. Or you can hack a piece off your shower curtain liner! Just sew or glue a fresh piece of plastic to the windows and off you go. Hopefully this won’t happen though. One would think for $95 (or a few days’ worth of groceries for your growing family) that plastic better be laced with diamond dust and never, ever tear.

If you spill your drink, fall down, or have a child who enjoys wiping boogers on your legs, rest assured, your knee area will clean up real nice with a wet cloth or sponge.

Maybe you want to accentuate this particular erogenous zone without actually feeling the breezes. Ripped jeans aren’t for everyone, and during the winter months, they can be quite chilly. This approach is not only warmer, but much more conservative if you don’t want to commit to having an actual hole in your pants. Think of the plastic as baby steps to get you more comfortable with exposed skin. And just think, you can show off that knee tattoo all year long now. (And if you don’t have one, now would be the time to get inked.)

Having little windows in denim is hot, I can’t deny it. Just ask my knees — they are sweating profusely beneath these plastic rectangles. At this point, I’m praying the plastic doesn’t get too warm and adhere to my skin.

We have seen it all: ripped denim, denim lined with flannel. Rips in jeans covered by lace. Denim covered in graffiti, splatter paint, or flowers. Fur-trimmed denim. Flares, wide-leg, skinny jeans. I’ve worn it all, even the denim trimmed with studs during my reckless, big hair years. Frankly, it was time to introduce something new and exciting, like plastic peephole denim. We were all getting a little bored.

It will be really interesting to see where the other designers take this trend, and where they decide to place these see-through squares. Hold on to your pearls because things are (probably) about to get nude-y.