These Lobster Puns And Jokes Will Earn You A Round Of A-Claws

If you’ve ever eaten at a seafood restaurant, you may have opted to choose your own lobster from the tank. After all, everyone does it on TV! But what you probably learned was a valuable lesson — not all lobsters are created equal. Most of the time, you purchase them by the pound. So, if you picked a big one, you undoubtedly enjoyed a rather expensive meal. If you chose a small one, you wound up hungry just an hour or two later. At least with the latter scenario, your wallet wasn’t as light (and, if you were at Red Lobster, you could stuff down a bunch of cheddar biscuits). Needless to say, if you ever experienced one of these lobster dinner fiascos, you likely didn’t find it funny at the time. Well, we’re here to help replace that negative association with something fun. How? Lobster puns and jokes, of course!

Lobster puns and lobster jokes are a blast for people who happen to be fans of marine crustaceans. The lobster itself is quite an intriguing creature. Let’s thank the lobster tanks at the grocery store for helping lighten their image! Although admittedly, the prospect of coming face-to-face with one at the beach freaks us out a bit — we blame it on the claws and the fact that they urinate out of their faces. Yes, that last part is true. It almost sounds like the punchline of a joke itself, right?

With that said, here some lobster puns and lobster jokes to bust out at your next big lobster feast.

Lobster Puns

1. Lobsters like their morning clawfee to be hot.
2. A lobster answers the phone with, “Shello?”
3. Lobsters love to celebrate holidays because ’tis the sea-son.
4. A lobster was crying because his teacher called him a lost claws.
5. The school subject the lobster was failing was algae-bra.
6. A lobster left home due to pier pressure.
7. A lady lobster wears seashells because she has outgrown her B-shells.
8. The lobster asked its friend the catfish, “Who is your cod-father?”
9. Someone drove through Portland looking for lobster but couldn’t find any. It’s upsetting — lobster is supposed to be a Maine attraction.
10. The lobster lost its fortune since it was shelling out money.
11. Lobsters make terrible friends because they’re way too shellfish.
12. A lobster reported a crime to the police. They asked him to be more Pacific.
13. A lobster was thinking about proposing, and his best friend asked if he was shore.
14. During the lobster wedding, the lobster groom referred to his new spouse as his “butter half.”
15. The lobster said he was going to dive into the pot of boiling water, and everybody thought he was cray-sea.
16. At a goodbye party, one lobster told his colleague that he was one shell of a guy.
17. The lobster said it’d be hard for him to retire, as he was tide to his company.
18. Since the crustacean was late for work every day, she lobster job.
19. After lashing out at his friend, the lobster apologized and said he was just salty.
20. The crustacean playing tennis was a true lob-star.
21. A lobster’s signature shot is the lob.
22. If you ever cross a lobster and a telephone, you’ll end up with snappy talk.
23. Expecting an important call, the lobster crabbed the phone.
24. The ocean said nothing to the lobster — it just waved.
25. The lobster blushed because the sea weed.

Lobster Jokes

1. I ate at Mary Poppins’ Restaurant last night…

Super cauliflower cheese, but the lobster was atrocious.

1. Why are lobsters bad at sharing?

Because they’re shellfish.

1. What do you call a lobster that’s afraid of tight spaces?

Claws-trophobic.

1. What do you call a tired and overworked lobster?

A frustracean.

1. I went to a seafood restaurant and asked how they prepared the lobster.

The waiter got quiet and simply said, “We just tell him the truth, man. ‘This is the end of the line.'”

1. A man saw a sign that said “Lobster Tails, $5” and thought it was a good deal.

He gave the man behind the stand a $5 bill and awaited his tail. Instead, the man spoke up and said, “Once upon a time, there was this lobster…”

1. Did you hear about the fight at Red Lobster?

Four fish were battered!

1. Who brings presents to good lobsters on Christmas?

Santa Claws.

1. How much salt do lobsters use when cooking pasta?

Just a pinch.

1. Where do the lobsters normally work at the bread factory?

At the crust station.

1. One lobster took another lobster out on a date.

The male lobster offered to pay for dinner, which made the female lobster blush. “It’s be-claws I love you,” the lobster said.

1. How did the lobsters travel around the beach?

By shell-i-copter.

1. What do you call a famous lobster?

A shellebrity.

1. Where do crabs and lobsters park their public transport vehicles?

At the bustacean.

1. Why did the lobster go to the physical therapist?

It pulled a mussel.

1. A man ordered lobster for dinner.

When the waiter brought it to him, he complained, “Hey, this lobster only has one claw!” The waiter explained, “That lobster was in a fight.” “OK, then,” replied the man. “Bring me the winner!”

1. Why couldn’t the woman eat shrimp, lobsters, and clams that have been cooked by heated water vapor?

She has shellfish steam issues.

1. What do you call a crab that throws things?

A lobster.

1. Where does a lobster store its clothes?

In the clawset.

1. Why was the ocean screaming?

You would too if you had lobsters on your bottom!

1. Did you hear about the lobster that rode a sea mammal into battle?

He did it on porpoise.

1. Where are there no hipster lobsters?

In the Maine stream.

1. Where do lobsters go when they need to borrow some money?

To the prawn brokers.

1. What’s the perfect name for a pet lobster?

Clawde.

1. Did you hear about the big fight between the blue lobsters and the red lobsters?

The other lobsters said it was like a sea-n from a movie.

1. What’s worse than lobsters on your piano? Crabs on your organ.
2. Where do lobsters wait for the bus?

At the bustacean.