57 Sweet & Silly Valentine's Day Jokes You’re Going To Love

Depending on how you feel about Valentine’s Day, you may consider this heart-shaped holiday in and of itself a big ol’ punchline. But even if you’re not a huge fan, you probably lean into it for your little ones since Valentine’s Day can be a blast for kids. It allows them to show their creativity (see: that drawing of a person composed entirely of tiny hearts hanging on your fridge) and learn about different ways to demonstrate affection. And one of the most fun ways to demonstrate affection? Sharing humor.

That’s right; go ahead and tell those corny but oh-so-cute Valentine’s Day jokes. Do something goofy. Let your kiddo see you wear your Taylor-Swift-and-Travis-Kelce-stanning heart on your sleeve. Help them pop some adorably cheesy zingers into their class V-Day cards.

Or, hey, if laughter is your love language, use these work-safe Valentine’s Day jokes as captions or in cards to coworkers, friends, and family. Whether you can’t help but laugh at the overly commercialized chaos of this holiday or you just love a good pun, you won’t be able to resist sharing the following funny wisecracks, quips, and one-liners.

1. What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine’s Day?

“I’m stuck on you.”

2. What did the volcano say to its Valentine?

“I lava you.”

3. What do you write in a slug’s Valentine’s Day card?

Be my Valen-slime.

4. How did the phone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.

5. What did the cucumber say to the pickle on Valentine’s Day?

“You mean a great dill to me.”

6. What did one sheep say to the other on Valentine’s Day?

“I love ewe.”

7. Why did the sheriff lock up her boyfriend?

He stole her heart.

8. What did the cat say to her Valentine?

“You’re purr-fect for me.”

9. What do you call two birds in love?

Tweethearts.

10. What kind of Valentine’s Day candy is never on time?

ChocoLATE.

11. What did the drum say to the other drum on Valentine’s Day?

“My heart beats for you.”

12. What did the calculator say to the pencil on Valentine’s Day?

“You can always count on me.”

13. What did the alchemist say to her Valentine?

“I think of you periodically.”

14. What did the squirrel say to her Valentine?

“I’m nuts about you.”

15. What did the whale say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?

“Whale you be mine?”

16. How did the vampire know he found the right Valentine?

It was love at first bite.

17. What did the elephant say to his Valentine?

“I love you a ton.”

18. Why is lettuce the most loving vegetable?

Because it’s got heart.

19. Why did the boy put candy under his pillow on the eve of Valentine’s Day?

He wanted sweet dreams.

20. What kind of flowers do you never give on Valentine’s Day?

Cauliflowers.

21. What did the bat say to his Valentine?

“You’re fun to hang around with.”

22. What did one light bulb say to the other on Valentine’s Day?

“I love you a whole watt.”

23. Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Olive.

Olive who?

Olive you.

24. Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Luke.

Luke who?

Luke, I got a Valentine.

25. Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Frank.

Frank who?

Frank you for being my Valentine.

26. What’s the best recipe for a perfect morning on Feb. 14?

A hug and a quiche.

27. Why did the dad approve of his daughter’s goalie boyfriend?

He was a real keeper.

28. Why were the forks disappointed on Valentine’s Day?

All they wanted to do was spoon.

29. How did the tennis ball flirt with the racquet?

By saying, “Hit me up!”

30. Why did the skeleton break up with her boyfriend before Valentine’s Day?

Her heart wasn’t in it.

31. What did the baker say to his wife on V-Day?

“Gimme some sugar!”

32. What do you call someone with a cold on Valentine’s Day?

Lovesick.

33. Why was the canoe considered a heartthrob?

He was so row-mantic.

34. What did the romantic sing after she got a paper cut?

“I keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love!”

35. What can get you in trouble with the law on Valentine’s Day?

Stealing too many hearts.

36. What do you call it when fish date?

Guppy love.

37. What band does Cupid love listening to?

Kiss.

38. What did the blueberry say to his Valentine?

“I love you berry much.”

39. What do you say to a pig on Feb. 14?

“Happy Valen-swine’s Day!”

40. Why couldn’t the mineral water find a date for Valentine’s Day?

All of his friendships were purely pla-tonic.

41. What did Han Sola say to Princess Leia on Valentine’s Day?

“Yoda one for me!”

42. What’s Cupid’s favorite kind of dinner?

A heart-y one.

43. What does Cupid call it when he brings two people together?

Kiss-met.

44. What did the astronaut say to her Valentine?

“I love you to the moon and back.”

45. Did you hear about the radios that got married on Valentine’s Day?

The reception was incredible.

46. What happened when two boats fell in love on Valentine’s Day?

It was the start of a great row-mance.

47. What did the yardstick say to its Valentine?

“We be-long together.”

48. Why did the banana fall for his Valentine?

He thought she had ap-peel.

49. Who always has a Valentine’s date?

A calendar.

50. Why do artichokes love Valentine’s Day so much?

They’re known for their hearts.

51. What did the toast say to its Valentine?

“You’re my butter half!”

52. Why were the forks disappointed on Valentine’s Day?

All they wanted to do was spoon.

53. What is it called when aunt runs off to get married on Valentine’s Day?

Antelope.

54. Where did the high heel take her date on Valentine’s Day?

The foot-ball.

55. What do you call someone with a cold on Valentine’s Day?

Lovesick.

56. Which type of flower is famous for giving kisses on Valentine’s Day?

Tu-lips.

57. Do skunks celebrate Valentine’s Day?

Of course! They’re very scent-imental.