So, When Is It Okay To Offer An Unsolicited 'Compliment' About A Woman's Body?

Never. That’s it.

No, seriously. Just don’t fucking do it.

FFS are you really going to make me unpack this?

Okay, Creepy Uncle Bob who doesn’t know how to keep his stuffing-the-turkey innuendo to himself at Thanksgiving dinner.

Here’s the thing: It doesn’t matter if you are the Queen of England, or I dunno, DONALD TRUMP, a woman’s body doesn’t exist for your scrutiny or verbal appraisal.

“But what if a man is saying something nice? Why are you feminists so opposed compliments?”

Oh, you mean a woman should take it as a compliment when a man believes she is, for instance, “in really good shape”? Can we pause to consider just how creepy and inappropriate it is to begin with that a woman is being physically assessed at a meet-and-greet? It doesn’t matter the context because, frankly, there is no fucking circumstance in which meeting another human being merits an assessment about their physical appearance.

Still think it’s “just a compliment”?

Let’s dumb this down a little then.

Meet my friend Sally and her new acquaintance Donal— um, let’s call him Don.

Don meets Sally. Sally shakes Don’s hand. Sally looks at Don’s lumpy, flat ass and immediately comments, “Oh, Don! You should cut back on the Kentucky Fried Chicken!”

Rude?

Hell to the yes.

Why?

Because it is dehumanizing to assess anybody’s physical appearance when they haven’t asked for it. It’s even more fucked up when you do it during an introduction — a public introduction during (what was supposed to be) a professional gathering.

It’s not a compliment. It’s not kindness. And this isn’t an angry brand of feminism.

It’s Basic. Human. Decency.

If you want to compliment a woman, try this groundbreaking approach to relationship building: Get to know her first. Attempt to, I dunno, bond on a mental or emotional level before your eyes check her backside for hours logged on the stair climber.

Should we never acknowledge pleasant physical appearances?

*looks around the room*

Is anybody here saying that? I don’t think so.

But unless there is a direct inquiry, or a clear, eager interest in hearing your thoughts on the subject, might I recommend keeping them to your damn self?

Believe it or not, women don’t walk around constantly seeking affirmation from strangers. Because women don’t really care to be assessed by random-ass strangers. Because that’s weird. And unnecessary. And once again…dehumanizing.

So let’s try this again, for all the Uncle Bobs who have joined us at the Thanksgiving table. This time with manners and tact, please.

When is it okay to offer an unsolicited compliment on a woman’s body?

Everybody?

“Never!”

Great. You can stop scrolling now. Because that’s all there is, folks. You either get it, or you’re Donald Trump.

And if you need further assistance at this point, I’m afraid you really can’t be helped.