“That’s Not A Gift” Is A Trash Response When Someone Asks For A Practical Present, Says TikTok Mom

There are two types of gift-givers: Those who will never ask you what they want because they enjoy the hunt, and those who will ask you what you want. Both types of gift-givers are lovely people. There is, however, one segment within these two groups that can drive people mad. Those people? The ones who gloss over gift requests when they're "needs" instead of "wants."

"This is just a reminder to parents of adult children and/or teens, OK? If you ask them what they'd like for Christmas or a birthday and they say, 'Can you pay a bill?' 'I'd love gas money.' 'I'd love grocery money.' 'The daily facial cleanser that I use, I'm running low on. If you could buy me one of those.' And you say, 'That's not a gift,’ you're wrong," says TikTok mom JB (@jaii.bee).

She adds, "You're wrong, and you're not buying the gift for the person; you're buying it to make yourself feel like you've done something, and that is not how gifts should work."

Why would someone bypass an earnest gift request? Maybe it's "not fun" for them to shop for, or they don't think it's magical or meaningful enough (however misguided that logic is). Unfortunately, this feels especially true if you ask for something practical like a bill paid or a gift card to the grocery store of your choice.

JB breaks it down further by explaining wants vs. needs and how, if your needs aren't met, your wants often don't seem very important to you. "Why would someone want something nice when they can't afford necessities?" She questions. "No adult is saying to their parents, 'For my birthday, I'd like food,' if they don't need it. If you're in a place where you could literally just take them out grocery shopping and help them out that way and then buy them a gift, awesome."

But what if you have a budget to stick to yet still want to ensure your teen or adult kid likes their gift? JB suggests giving them cash to spend on what they need, whether it's gas money, the phone bill, or just a sh*t-ton of bread and peanut butter.

She also quickly adds that if you give someone cash as a gift, you don't get to be bratty if they spend it on something you don't like or disapprove of. Your gift shouldn't come with stipulations. Your gift was the money... not what they bought with it.

Based on the comments to JB's video, the sentiment resonates.

"Make👏🏻 gifts👏🏻 practical👏🏻 again👏🏻," wrote @madihearts.

@satchitbrazy said, "My mom: 'I'd give you the money, but I know you'll spend it on bills.' YES AND?!"

"I've asked for a grocery store gift card and have NEVER gotten one. I need food, Devona, not a tree ornament," lamented @scottythepeachtormentor.

And many of the comments contain examples of practical gifts that fill needs:

• "My mom bought me tires for my car, and I literally sobbed. Best gift ever. Peace, safety, and a weight off my back. This is soooo true!!"
• "My adult son said he wanted nothing for his bday. I offered to pay his car registration, and he gladly accepted. 🤣"
• "My grandma always gives me money and says, 'It's exactly what you want, and I always know it will fit!'"
• "When I first moved out, my parents would give me an 'adulting basket' full of groceries and cleaning supplies. Hands down my favorite gift."
• "My dad fills our freezer with meat every Christmas. My favorite gift."
• "My grandparents bought me some new socks and my AAA membership! I cried."
• "Last year, I asked for a washer and dryer because I needed it 🤷🏻‍♀️ Dad came through with it."
• "My Mom paid a medical bill for me last year, and she's getting me new glasses this year."

Speaking of wants vs. needs, it might be important to mention the opposite problem, too. If you know someone struggling financially who asks for something "extravagant" or even just something you deem frivolous, zip it.

"If someone is asking you specifically for something and you can get them that thing and then you choose not to, you're bad at giving gifts," JB concludes.

In other words, either ask or don't ask. But if you ask, give the people what they want. Can't afford to pay the $100 bill? Give them $50 so they can put it towards it and stress a little less. Don't just blow off their wishes altogether. And if you don't ask because you believe you always pick out the most perfect gift for your people? Include a gift receipt. Just in case.