I’ve Got A Gamer At Home. How Do I Keep Them Safe From Online Danger & Threats?

The world of online gaming can be daunting — and downright scary — for parents. How do you know what your tweens or teens are talking about or where they’re hanging out online? And how can you tell if they’ve stumbled into a situation that could potentially be predatory? While your kid could go their entire life without landing on the wrong side of the internet, the reality for parents today is that online gaming safety is something we have to consider.

Sure, you keep a watchful eye on your tween or teen’s social media use — you’re pretty well-versed in the dangers there. How much do you even know about the video games your kid is playing, though? According to a study published by the American Academy of Pediatrics, more than 90% of children older than 2 years play video games, with children 8 to 17 years of age spending an average of 1.5 to 2 hours daily playing video games.

Not sure what to look for or even how to begin safeguarding your kid against online dangers? Scary Mommy asked experts for advice.

What are warning signs that a child is having inappropriate contact online?

It’s not uncommon for kids to want to spend time on their phones or online connecting with friends and playing games, but are there times when screen time can become more concerning? Absolutely. Dr. Baback Bob Gabbay, attending psychiatrist and chief medical director at Destinations for Teens in Woodland Hills, California, notes there are some specific warning signs parents can watch for:

• Long periods in their room with doors locked
• Quickly putting phone or computer away when a parent or sibling enters a room
• Constantly having their phone at mealtime
• Use of different types of social media accounts
• Charges on phone bills or internet accounts that parents don’t recognize
• Hearing constant text chimes at odd hours of the day

How do I make sure my tween or teen is safe while gaming?

Nearly every game with chat features has a function that allows parents or kids to disable the chat. Whether or not you need to do this is a parental decision that should be based on the child. However, don’t automatically assume children understand the line between what is appropriate and what is not. Ultimately, even older teenagers are still children and they are still vulnerable, so establishing the precedent that you have access to their account is key. Don’t wait until there’s something wrong and then sneak around in there. Make it clear from the get-go that you, as the parent, have the authority to be in the account any time you need to.

Remember, too, that kids can self-report when they see something they think is offensive. Usually, players can easily mute, block, or report another player. This doesn’t stop them from seeing the offensive language or comments, but it does give them the power to discern right from wrong.

Make Sure Kids Know Safety Rules and House Rules

“We would not want our kids playing at a park and talking to 40-year-olds,” says Dr. Sid Khurana, M.D., psychiatrist and co-founder of Nevada Mental Health, adding, “So, now in the virtual space, it’s the same thing.” Helping children understand the differences between online and in-person interactions by having an open conversation with them is key. Ask your kids if they understand the differences and similarities in the rules for playing games online with others. “Children do not automatically know these things,” he reminds us.

Khurana recommends reminding kids what is OK and what is not. “Statements like: ‘If you see this, you ignore it’ or ‘If you see this, this is when you call me,’ and then giving them the basics,” he says. For example, you might remind children if it’s not OK to say at the dinner table or school, it’s a red flag. You can remind kids about expletives or words that make them uncomfortable, homophobic or racial slurs, or general language that wouldn’t be tolerated in the home.

And don’t forget some of the basics. Kids should never give out their home address, the school they attend, or even the city they live into anyone online. It may be obvious to parents that credit card information shouldn’t be given out, but be very clear about this one, too.

“Just like we say, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas,” says Khurana. “The same goes for online. Once they go online, it stays online. So ‘do not share your content, personal information, images, or pictures with anybody, especially people who claim to be friends online. You don’t know who is on the other end of the screen.’”

Play Video Games With Your Kids

We know this might not be for everyone, but playing video games with your kids puts them in the position to teach you (and laugh at you). Especially for teens, this can be validating. It also lets kids know that you are taking an interest in their interests. Does that mean you need to play every game with them? Of course not. You can work together to find a game that you both enjoy — and maybe one you’re not terrible at.

“Some parents themselves are into gaming and there will be both parents and kids playing. That’s fine. But there are also parents who are not into gaming,” says Khurana. “They’re the ones who need to give their children space and allow them to talk and show interest, just as they would talk about a swim lesson or what happened at basketball.”

Set Up a Gaming Console or Gaming Center in a Shared Area

Setting up a gaming console in a shared area of the home, rather than in the child’s room, can encourage a more open dialogue about gaming and allow parents to set limits more easily. It can also allow parents to interact with their kids while gaming. Yes, we know this will elicit eye rolls, but it does keep it front and center that whatever kids are doing online, they should be able to talk about it with (or in front of) their parents.