25 Black Friday Jokes So Funny They'll Have You Peeing In Your Bargain Hunt Clothes

On Thanksgiving, we sit around spewing gratitude at the dinner table and taking stock of our materialistic impulses. Then, the next day, we throw all that out the window and race to the store to stock up on useless crap. Ah, tradition. It’s easy to make fun of Black Friday — rampant capitalism, crazy shoppers, and bloody fistfights over $2 ramekins make this day infamous in America. Is it really any wonder that social media sees an influx of Black Friday jokes and memes every year? And, fair warning: Unlike the good-natured puns of Thanksgiving just a day before or the jolly Christmas punchlines and Hanukkah humor that come a month later, Black Friday jokes have a bit more bite. But, hey, even knock-knock jokes can drip with sarcasm depending on who tells them, right? At the end of the day, it’s all in good fun.

So, in honor of all that ridiculousness, here are some clean Black Friday jokes you can share with the caffeine-wired consumer fidgeting next to you in line. (Here’s hoping jokes do the trick, and you don’t need any comebacks and insults for your consumer extravaganza.)

Happy shopping!

Black Friday Jokes to Get You Ready for the Shopping Frenzy

1. Why do shoppers feel like cranberry sauce on Black Friday? They get bruised, battered, and squished into pulp trying to get to the bargain bin.
2. What do Black Friday shoppers and the Thanksgiving turkey have in common? They know what it’s like to be stuffed and jammed into a small space.
3. How can you tell which of your friends got a good Black Friday deal? Don’t worry; they’ll let you know.
4. Which family usually spends the most on Black Friday? The one that learns the least.
5. Why do Americans go shopping on Black Friday? They are thankful they survived Thanksgiving dinner.
6. Why do they call the day after Thanksgiving “Black Friday”? Because it matches the mood of all the miserable shoppers.
7. How can you be more considerate on Black Friday? By turning your phone horizontally before recording the shopping brawls.
8. Who profits the most on Black Friday? The folks who were smart enough to stay home.
9. What did Nala tell Simba after seeing a herd of women on Black Friday? “You gotta Mufasa!”
10. Why do people go clothes shopping on Black Friday? To replace all the clothes they spilled Thanksgiving dinner on.
11. Black Friday: The day people spend money they don’t have on things they don’t need.
12. I’ll be celebrating Black Friday in my own way — by completely ignoring it.
13. Here’s hoping Black Friday won’t turn into Black and Blue Saturday.
14. Sorry, but there’s no deal for the hospital visit you will need after being pummeled on Black Friday.
15. The best Black Friday sale is one you can access from your bed.
16. Here’s hoping your Black Friday injuries aren’t so bad that you can’t click on a mouse on Cyber Monday.
17. Black Friday: Because only in America do people trample others for sales exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have.
18. I’ve saved an absolute fortune this Black Friday. I stayed in.
19. Fantastic Black Friday deal alert: Buy nothing and save 100 percent in every store!
20. Bought a new vacuum on Black Friday. It sucks!
21. Black Friday at the geology museum was great… There were so many great shales!
22. If you’re going shopping on Black Friday, please be considerate… By turning your phone horizontal before recording any fights.
23. How is the Battle for Hogwarts like a Black Friday sale? Weasley twins are 50 percent off [apologies].
24. Last year I bought an instructional boxing DVD on Cyber Monday. This year I’m going Black Friday shopping.
25. All this spending on Black Friday… Better make sure you pay the electric bill or next Friday will be Black Friday too!