Would You Judge Me If You Knew? I Hope Not.

To the parents who gave me a rude look when my boys were fighting at the school’s Family Fun Night, and I couldn’t break it up because I was holding my baby while pushing the stroller…

Would you judge me if you knew my husband was away for half a year with the military…and how hard it was for me to take them places in the winter/snow/ice by myself? Especially in big crowds during their normal bedtime hour?

To the person who judged me for getting my son diagnosed with ADHD because they “just don’t see it” or they think I’m “exaggerating” his behavior…

Would you judge me if you knew about his uncontrollable screaming fits and all of the hour-long meltdowns, insomnia and night terrors, inability to keep his hands to himself at school…or sit at the carpet…or keep things organized…or do something after only being told 2 or 3 times? Would you judge me if you knew I needed the diagnosis for my health insurance to cover behavioral therapy? Would you judge me if you knew how many phone calls I get from his school on a regular basis?

To the person who judged me in a restaurant for breastfeeding my baby…

Would you judge me if you knew how much work it took to get out of the house with a newborn and other children? How I was going bonkers and needed to get out? How I had fed the baby right before I left?

To the school official who judged me for my son hitting another child and saying “he needs consequences and he needs to know to keep his hands to himself”…

Would you judge me if you knew about all of the disciplinary actions we have tried – timeouts, TV and dessert revoked, being sent to bed, etc.? Would you judge me if you knew how many discussions we’ve had about keeping his hands to himself? Would you judge me if you knew that I reminded him EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. before school?

To the fellow Preschool Mom who judged me for my 4-year-old clinging to my legs and throwing a fit at drop-off…

Would you judge me if you knew my husband usually drops him off, and he’s away with the military and my son cried almost every night because he missed his dad?

To the individual who saw me yell at my kid for something they thought was no big deal…

Would you judge me if you knew he was constantly getting in trouble at school for doing that “no big deal” thing and I am doing my best to prepare him better for acceptable behavior at school?

To the individual who is judging me for not medicating my son’s ADHD…

Would you judge me if you knew how hard of a decision it is to not medicate – or medicate – a 6 year-old? Would you judge me if YOU were in that situation and YOUR decision had not been supported? Would you judge me if you knew about all of the hours of research I’ve done on the subject?

To the mom who judged me for not taking my shoes off in the infant room at daycare…

Would you judge me if you knew my husband was gone so I’m single parenting three children and had to get all three ready and dropped off at different locations by 7:30 am by myself, the baby got me up 5 times the night before, and I am late for a meeting?

To the stay-at-home mom who judges me for working, because “they’re only little once”…

Would you judge me if you knew that I love my job, and what I do? Would you judge me if you knew that at my job I advocate for those discriminated against in my community? Would you judge me if you knew I work towards empowering women and their right to work or not work?

To the working mom who judged me for being a stay-at-home mom (I have summers off) instead of advancing my career and finding a year-round job that pays better…

Would you judge me if you knew I that even though I lose my patience sometimes, I still love having that time with my kids? Would you judge me if you knew I’ve turned down interviews with better paying jobs because I can’t stand the idea of not having summers off with them?

Let’s do less judging, and more supporting. We need to believe in ourselves – and others – as a parents. NO ONE knows a child better than their parents, and there is no better advocate for them than their parents. Let’s just all take a moment to remember that.