The Slacker Mom's Guide To Easter Baskets

Yes, it’s true that the seasonal aisle has been flush with pastel treats and chocolate eggs since late February, but that doesn’t mean we’re prepared for Easter! The first (and second and third) time we laid eyes on those racks of jelly beans and fuzzy wittle wind-up bunnies, our inner dialogue went: Should I buy things for the children’s Easter baskets? No worries! Plenty of time to plan for that!

BUT NOW EASTER HAS COMETH.

With spring break refusing to give us one godforsaken child-free moment to slip out on a covert shopping trip, an onslaught of sports practices kicking back up, and sick kids/allergies/school visits/work projects/travel/coma happening, we plumb forgot to get the Easter basket supplies.

We could go to the store now, but the only things left are shady-looking Peeps and a bucket someone must have carried over from the car-washing supplies aisle. Time to get creative!

Let’s talk baskets. Don’t have one? Sure you do! Here are some things you can clean up really well and pretend the Easter Bunny carried from…wherever he’s from. Bunnyville? Easter Island? Narnia? Doesn’t matter. Just try these stand-ins:

– 32-ounce tub of Greek yogurt

– Not-so-moldy shower caddy

– Leather catchall you got your husband a few Father’s Days ago that now corrals dust

– Pot from a dead plant

– Tupperware you’ve been saving even though the lid’s been gone for three years

No colorful plastic grass to fill it with? No problem! Try:

– Stuffing from a plush toy your child loves but you hate

– That blob of toilet paper your kids unrolled this morning

– Pencil shavings

– Cat hair

– Actual grass

And now to fill it with goodies! Just take:

– The good Valentine’s Day candy you were hiding from your kids (dammit!)

– Anything left in the potty-training reward bucket

– Gum from the bottom of your purse

– Loose change

– A deck of cards your husband bought for poker night

– A new pack of socks your husband bought for himself but hasn’t washed yet

– A pair of earbuds your husband bought for himself, but, sorry Babe, you really should have put this Target bag of stuff away sooner so I didn’t find it—it’s all going into the “baskets” now

– Colorful paperclips

– Snack packs of whatever you have left from the last time you bought them for the kids’ lunches

– Stickers from various doctor visits

– Mini toothbrushes and toothpastes from various dentist visits

– Travel-sized anything you stole from hotels over the years and shoved in a drawer

– Barely used lip balm

– That pen you accidentally stole from the dry cleaner’s

– Toys or games you bought ahead of time for their next birthday that are small enough to fit in a basket

– Tears of regret for not buying jelly beans a little sooner

Now dig through your cabinets for some food coloring or Sharpies to dye whatever eggs are left in the carton at the back of the fridge, and you’re all set to have the most magical of holidays. Happy Easter!