Instant Pot: How Did I Ever Live Without You?

How did I ever live my life without you? If you had lips, I would kiss you. I would ask your permission first, but since you are so loyal and supportive, I think the feeling is mutual. I want to kiss your face off, Instant Pot.

You see, as a first-time mom, I was gifted a traditional slow cooker, and I thought that was THE business. It served me well during those times I was so exhausted that I didn’t care what dinner looked like, I just needed something to plop onto noodles or rice before pouring my weary butt into bed with my colicky baby. I didn’t think there would be or could be anything better for one-handed meal prep that didn’t require a three-page meal plan and entire meals frozen together in a giant ziplock bag.

Then you came along, Instant Pot.

I had heard so much about you, but I saw the price and couldn’t commit. I mean, weren’t you just another slow cooker? Wouldn’t you just return to me the same Crockpot Slop we had become accustomed to for all these years? I didn’t want to waste the cost of a random Target trip on another small appliance that would hog my precious counter space and collect dust, after all. If I was giving up a soft pretzel and a trip through the Dollar Spot, you had better be good. Real good.

You see, where the slow cooker failed me was the SLOW part. I don’t always remember to do really important things like pay the water bill before I get a big neon sign on my door, so to thaw chicken or roasts so that I can cook them in less than 42 hours? Forget it. In fact, the number one reason we end up grabbing takeout on any given night is because, DAMN IT, I FORGOT TO THAW THE MEAT AGAIN. Of course, by the time this revelation hits me, it’s 6 p.m. and I’ve got waves of starving children whining and yanking at my leg. These same children still need to have a bath, complete their homework, and find their shoes so we don’t spend 45 minutes tearing apart the house for another lost Croc while I yell random obscenities and empty threats into the universe. Sure, I could just throw together a nice salad and skip the hunk of dead animal. LOL forever. Not.

So, after another harried trip through the drive-thru after I forgot to thaw one of the 14 packages of chicken breasts in my freezer, and a quick sweep of the pantry to realize we were down to just one box of Annie’s Mac & Cheese, I decided to just pull the plug on that stainless steel gem that had been stalking my life on social media for months.

And I’m really freaking glad I did, folks. For the love of all that can be considered holy, how did I ever live without this thing? I can now look at the clock and go, “Aw crap, it’s time for dinner!” and place some frozen solid meat straight from the freezer into the IP and have cooked chicken in 15 minutes. 15 minutes. Real food, real fast. I just love this damn thing so much, that I want to shout it from the rooftops, so that you can have finally use your freezer full of shit too!

You can shred that chicken and make tacos, you can mix with your favorite sauce and spin it together with some pasta, you can stir it into the aforementioned Annie’s Mac & Cheese, you can serve it alongside steamed seasonal veggies from your garden or a can of green beans — it doesn’t freaking matter. What MATTERS is that you don’t have to think ahead, you don’t have to load the kids up and go out, you don’t have to order pizza, and you can actually use the food reserves you spend a small fortune on each week and feed your family with minimal effort and cleanup.

You’ll never run out of things to make, because when you’re ready to get a little more creative, there are so many moms on Pinterest who caught on way before us and have paved the way with the most delicious shit. Seriously, you can make damn near anything. Or you can just keep throwing in frozen meat and barbecue sauce. Whatever works.

This is the holy grail of motherhood, folks. I am telling you. I am an Instant Pot evangelist now.

If there were a MLM business of Instant Pots, I’d be the Double Platinum Triple Diamond Leader because I can’t stop convincing people to buy them. I would honestly give up so many Dollar Spot journeys and several iced macchiatos for this thing. I would take out a loan for this thing. It will pay itself off within the week in time, sanity, and dollars saved. I swear. Cross my heart. Go now. Go now.

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