Infertility Jealousy

There is nothing worse than wanting a baby and then counting pregnant women wherever you are. (I’m not kidding, I’ve really counted them.)

Think about it: Everywhere you go, there are women who are pregnant. You can’t avoid them and they serve as a constant reminder of the baby that you want so badly that you can’t have. That wanting – that longing – feels almost unbearable at times.

One time I was at a store and my husband ran in to use the bathroom before we started shopping. I counted six pregnant women that entered the store while I waited. A few of them even had kids with them. I just wanted one! Why couldn’t I just have one?! Other people don’t need another one! I left crying, without shopping.

Another time I walked out of the grocery store and there was a very pregnant woman walking in front of me. SMOKING. Why would God give a woman who would smoke while she was pregnant a baby? I would be the perfect pregnant woman! No smoking (I don’t smoke anyways, but still.) No drinking…not even a sip of red wine. No fat or sugar…only all natural food would enter my baby-growing body! (How judgmental I was, and also? How naive to think that I would be able to survive nine months without sugar or junk food.)

There’s the friend that calls you to tell you she “accidentally” got pregnant. She has no idea how it happened! She isn’t even sure if she’s ready to have a baby. HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN? Are you kidding me? You know that sex = baby (in a perfect world) unless you are preventing it from happening! Accidentally my ass.

Or what about the mom who says “Oh you don’t really want kids! You are so lucky right now! You can do whatever you want, whenever you want! If you want kids, just borrow mine for a few hours and you will never want kids again!” No lady, I don’t want your bratty, snot-nosed kids. I want bratty, snot-nosed kids that are my own.

Then there are the women who, after finding out you have been trying to conceive for X number of months/years, will tell you that you just need to quit trying. Quit worrying about it. If you just forget about getting pregnant, it will happen. Yeah, because after years of trying and fertility treatments, I’m sure that bit of wisdom is going to get me knocked up. Side note: these are also usually the same women who go on to say “I got pregnant the first time after the first month we tried!”

So if you are becoming that green eyed, judgmental monster that infertility can produce, know that you are not alone… you are normal. Please go easy on yourself.

And the next time a woman tells you that she’s trying to get pregnant, make sure not to say any of the things above.

Related post: The 8 Biggest Misconceptions About Infertility