I'm A Mother To Three, And I Watch Porn

I’m know I’m not the only 40-something woman out there who enjoys sex, and also happens to enjoy watching others enjoy it. It’s a controversial subject, sure, but grown women are just that — grown women — and we can do what we want. And if that means a Thursday night involves some queso with a side of good pornography (with or without a partner), there’s no shame in it.

None.

Porn is not disgusting and has helped many (including myself), come to terms with some things about their sexuality. It’s intrigued me, made me feel more comfortable asking for certain things from my partner, and given me sexual confidence. These days there is more porn geared towards (and made by) women than ever before, and there is a reason for it — women like it. In fact, according to Women’s Health, 59% of us want to watch it. And while you might not want to shout it from the rooftop (unless, of course, you do), there doesn’t need to be shame attached to it either.

The kind of porn that tickles your fancy is up to you. In fact, you may like watching certain things, but you don’t necessarily want to try them out (threesome anyone?). Porn can get your juices flowing in all the right places, and that can be a beautiful thing to share with someone you trust, or solo. I especially love porn GIFs, they are little sexy snippets which leave you wanting more without watching a whole video. You are able to focus in on the little details that happen when you are intimate with someone and it’s incredibly hot to watch.

Porn makes me feel sexy, and puts me in the mood. I love it.

A big concern around the porn industry is wondering if what you are watching is ethically produced . Are the actors underage age? Did they consent to this? Does the film advance misogynistic (and possibly violent) behavior?

Well, rest assured, there is a lot of empowering porn out there for women, made by women. Feminist porn exists and, according to The Daily Dot, it “is any kind of pornography that’s created and controlled by marginalized people with the intent of both treating workers ethically and depicting gendered relationships in an inclusive and non-misogynistic way.”

One of the best things you can do to ensure you are watching something everyone in the video is comfortable with, and has agreed to, is to pay for your porn. There are certain safety standards in place within the porn industry regarding STI testing, age verification, etc., all of which are verified as part of a legal employment relationship between the actors and the film’s producer.

“Without a credit card processor overlooking distribution, there’s no way to know for sure if basic labor rights took place,” a woman in the porn industry said. “There is no 2257 Affidavit to prove performers were of legal age, no STI test results, no W9 or 1099-Misc IRS Forms, and there’s certainly no Model Release Form to ensure the people on film consented to have their image shared online.”

I remember the first time I watched porn with a boyfriend in my 20s. I liked it, but I felt ashamed and it totally ruined what could have been a magical, fun afternoon. I wasn’t necessarily ashamed that I liked porn, but at the time I was confused by the fact that I liked watching two beautiful women please each other, and it turned me on. I wasn’t sure what this meant for me and my sexuality, but I now realize that I was simply a young, sexual, woman who wanted to get it on after watching something romantic and sexy happen between two people.

This embarrassment and shame about sexuality and desire starts at a young age — we women have it hammered in our brains that we should be modest and pure, that we need to wait for a man to approach us, that we don’t want to be too needy in bed, and, of course, that porn is supposed to be a man’s playground, right? All of which is bullshit.

Porn is for women, too. Some of us enjoy it, it turns us on, it can pull us out of a sexual slump, or make us feel sexy and enhance masturbation. We have sexual urges. We know how to frost our own cake. We enjoy pleasure parties and toys, and it’s all normal, every ounce of it.

We’ve all had times in our lives where we needed our sexy button pushed, and sometimes a little romantic porn (Google that, too), goes a long way.

Porn can be very enticing and beautiful. If it’s not for you, great. That’s fine.

But if it is, that’s wonderful, too. And if someone shames you for watching it, and makes you feel like you are gross, you absolutely are not.

It doesn’t matter if you are a single woman, a mother, or a grandmother, owning your sexuality is empowering, and there are times when a little pornography can can take things from pretty good to mind-blowing. There’s no shame in it.