Why I Give My Husband A BJ Every Day

In my house, a blowjob is a near-daily occurrence.

Now, before you click furiously away in a fit of rage, let me explain the most important factor in this, in all caps so you know I’m serious: HE DOES NOT, NOR WOULD HE EVER, EXPECT THIS. In fact, he knows if he ever came up to me and expectantly waggled his dick in my face, I’d tell him just where he could stick it … and it wouldn’t be anywhere pleasant, trust me.

Nope, the frequent BJs are all my idea. Not because I feel like they’re my “wifely duty” by any stretch of the imagination, or something I owe to him because he’s the primary breadwinner or some equally stupid and archaic school of thought. Not because I’m trying to coerce or bribe him into rewarding me somehow; it’s not like he leaves $50 on the nightstand afterward.

It’s just this revolutionary idea that I enjoy making him happy, and a blowjob is a surefire way to do it. I give my husband blowjobs because he loves them, and I love him. Simple as that.

If you’ve ever had a penis in your mouth, especially when you’re with a long-term partner, you know that it’s usually a fairly quick process. (Unless you’re using your teeth or something, in which case, find yourself a good tutorial.) And if I can take five easy minutes out of my day to give my partner a gift that he loves – nay, adores – why wouldn’t I?

This concept doesn’t have to mean a blowjob, of course. If your partner’s love language is sandwiches, then switch out the BJ for a PB&J. Put an umbrella by the door on a rainy morning. Surprise them with a cup of coffee or grab a 6-pack of their favorite beer just because you’re thinking of them. Doing something nice for the person you love, something to make their day a little better, can involve anything. It’s just that in my case, one of those things happens to be fellatio. Potato, po-tah-to.

This little kindness has a domino effect. You’d be surprised how easy it is to live with a man who gets his knob polished on the regular … just sayin’. And harmonious parents make for a happy family, so my whole household benefits (indirectly, obvs). In addition, studies have shown that frequent ejaculation can help lower the risk of prostate cancer, so it’s also good for his health. Not really much different than when I dole out multivitamins at dinner, I’d say.

Related: Stormy Daniels Shares Porn-Watching Tips For Moms Because, Duh, Moms Like Porn

Lest you’re sitting there with your mouth agape thinking there’s no way in hell you’d ever suck a dick with such frequency, let me reiterate: it’s completely voluntary, and there are times when I don’t do it. I’m not going to give head if I’m sick, or angry, or grumpy, or if I just don’t fucking feel like it.

So when I do, he can be sure that it’s a selfless gift because I love him, not because I feel obligated or I’m trying to get something out of him. There is nothing degrading or dehumanizing about it, because the decision to do it or not do it rests squarely upon my shoulders. In fact, I’d even argue that it’s empowering – because in a world that constantly makes me question my capabilities as a mother or a woman in general, I’m reassured that I’m hitting this spouse shit out of the park.

If nothing else, it’s great for those nights when I’m all touched-out or tired, when my day and my kids have run me ragged. You know the feeling: sex is the last thing on your mind – you’d think he would have gotten the hint from those raggedy sweatpants you put on – but here comes that tentative thigh or arm rub from across the bed. When my husband is already sexually satisfied, I’m more likely to be able to go right to sleep when I want. And if he isn’t, well, a quick blow and we’re both hitting the pillow. It isn’t a replacement for intercourse, but it’s a damn good substitute sometimes.

I realize it isn’t everyone’s cup of tea and that you might hate giving a blowjob because it triggers your gag reflex or something (pro tip: exhale as you go down). But if it’s not a hard pass, no pun intended, give it a go and see the effects for yourself. Because a surprise cup of coffee in the morning might make him smile for a moment … but a surprise blowjob in the morning will make him smile for the rest of the damn day.

Recommended: Are You In A Sexless Marriage? Ways To Cope And How To Fix It, According To An Expert