Hey Husband, I Really Hope You're Enjoying That Business Trip!

Oh, hi, honey! I’m so glad you got a few minutes to chat while you’re on your business trip. Sorry for missing your call earlier. I couldn’t hear my phone ringing over the screams. Oh, no, it was nothing major, just a normal sibling squabble. There was no blood…this time. Good thing, too, because the kids used all the Band-Aids as stickers while I was taking a shower.

What’s that? You’re already done with all your conference meetings for today? You’re going to spend the rest of the day sightseeing? Awesome. Yeah, I wish I could be there too. I’d love to do some sightseeing.

Come to think of it, I’m not sure I’ve left the house since you’ve been gone other than for school pickup and drop-off. Except for yesterday when I had to haul the kids to the store in the pouring rain because one of them spilled the last half-gallon of milk all over the counter. I was busy wiping a butt (not my own, no), so he thought he would pour his own cereal.

Yes, I got the pictures you texted me of your hotel room. It’s really fancy! Those are some amazing views. You should see what’s outside our window this morning! The neighbor’s trash can blew over in the night, and well, let’s just say I didn’t realize how much garbage you can actually stuff in those bins. Yikes.

Is that huge hotel bed as comfortable as it looks? It’s so big, you were probably lonely sleeping in it all by yourself. It’s always hard for me to sleep when you’re gone, but luckily a couple of the kids and the dog crawled into bed with me last night, so I definitely didn’t have any empty space to fill. And I only got kicked in the face twice!

Speaking of photos, the ones you sent me of your business dinner looked delicious. I’d have sent you a pic of my dinner but you wouldn’t be too impressed by reheated pork roast. Neither were the kids, so tonight we’re having ramen noodles. Hey, our dinners did have one thing in common — wine! Yours probably didn’t come from a box though. Heh.

Was that lobster and filet mignon on your plate? Ah. I couldn’t tell with all the candlelight glaring off that expensive silverware. Or maybe it’s because the kids crushed my glasses when they knocked them off the table while they were wrestling. Which reminds me, I hope you were serious when you were talking about getting a new TV because ours has a crack now.

Were you able to transport your dress clothes without them getting all wrinkled from your suitcase? Oh, good. I’m glad I don’t have to worry about the state of my clothing, since apparently the baby has caught some sort of stomach bug. I didn’t realize that much puke could come out of one little person until it was all over my shoulder and down my arm! Luckily, I don’t have to go anywhere. I mean unless we run out of milk again.

Oh, your business meetings are kind of boring? You want to know what’s new around here? Hmm, let’s see. So much excitement I don’t know where to start. I’m all caught up on the laundry! Okay, well, it’s clean at least. I still have to get around to folding it and putting it away. I was totally gonna do it, but just as I started, one of the kids came in crying because he tried to stretch his bubble gum around his entire head into a mustache-scarf combo and it got caught in his neck hairs. Yeah, I spent like 15 minutes picking it out while he whined. No, I don’t know where he got the gum.

Oh! I caught the toddler trying to put a screw in his ear. It’s a good thing I was walking past his bedroom to the trash can to throw away the soggy paper towels. Yeah, it was the dog’s fault. Hope you weren’t counting on getting any of that bag of pork rinds because they’re half-digested and soaking into the carpet. No, I don’t know how she got ahold of those either. One of the kids must have fed them to her while I was picking up the bazillion peppercorns somebody dumped on the kitchen floor while they were trying to get the marshmallows out of the pantry. Nobody will fess up, of course.

Time for sightseeing, huh? Well have a wonderful day! I’ve got an exciting afternoon planned too. I think there’s a new episode of Paw Patrol on! It sucks to watch it through a cracked screen, but hey, at least it’ll give me 30 minutes of peace to go through the kids’ school folders and get an idea of what homework they’re going to need help with before bath time.

Guilt trip? Me? Nooooo! All right, maybe a little. But it’s not like I’m going on any other trips. Unless you count trips to the store to get milk. With all the kids. In the rain.

I’ll see you when you get home. I know you can’t wait to get back to the lap of luxury. Love you!