Why The Long Face? These 65+ Horse Puns And Jokes Are Hay-larious

First things first: We love horses. It’s little wonder that horses remain one of the most popular animals in the world — they’re just such an amazing mix of power and beauty. Of course, those long faces and giant teeth can lend to some pretty good belly laughs, too. Like so many other members of the animal kingdom (think: chickens, donkeys, or ducks), there’s plenty of jokes for kids about horses. In fact, you might say horse puns and jokes are hay-larious.

But our neigh-bors’ long faces aren’t the only reason we find them fascinating. Do you know the difference between a cowboy and a farmer? It’s actually pretty easy. At the most basic level, farmers work on farms and cowboys work on ranches. What does that have to do with horses? Well, simple: Cowboys (or “ranchers”) are also more likely to work with horses. Before the invention of farm equipment, it’s true that farmers used horses to pull plows and wagons. Now, though, if a farm has horses, they’re more for the farmer’s own enjoyment. On ranches, where cowboys and ranch hands must move thousands of cows across miles of land, horses are a lot more useful. While some of the horse’s ranch work has also been replaced by machinery, horses are still the optimal way to go for cattle drives.

Below you’ll find some of our absolute favorite clean jokes and puns about horses. They’re sure to stirrup some fun.

Best Horse Puns and Jokes

1. Are you a horse?

Answer yay or neigh.

1. What do horses eat?

Fast food.

1. What did the mare tell her filly after dinner?

“Don’t forget to clear the stable!”

1. What type of horses only go out at night?

Night-mares.

1. What did the horse say when it fell?

“I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!”

1. Why did the horse cross the road?

Because somebody shouted hay!

1. Why should you never be rude to a jump jockey?

In case he takes offence.

1. Where do horses shop?

Old Neigh-vy.

1. Where do horses go when they’re sick?

The horsepital.

1. What type of computer does a horse like to eat?

A Macintosh.

1. Why did the boy stand behind the horse?

He thought he might get a kick out of it!

1. Why did the horse eat with its mouth open?

Because it had bad stable manners.

1. What’s the difference between a horse and the weather?

One is reined up and the other rains down.

1. Why do horses fart when they buck?

Because they can’t achieve full horse power without gas.

1. A horse walks into a bar, and the barman confuses idioms with jokes.

So he offers him a glass of water, but can’t make him drink.

1. What’s a horse’s favorite TV show?

Neighbors.

1. Which side of a horse has more hair?

The outside.

1. How does a cowboy get a stallion to do odd jobs around the ranch?

Pay him under the stable.

1. How did the cowboy ride into town on Friday, stay for three days, and ride out on Friday?

His horse’s name was Friday!

1. How long should a racehorse’s legs be?

Long enough to reach the ground.

1. Why are most horses in shape?

Because they are on a stable diet.

1. A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey.”

The horse says, “You read my mind!”

1. Did you hear about the horse with the negative attitude?

She always said, “Neigh.”

1. What’s black and white and eats like a horse?

A zebra.

1. What do you call a noisy horse?

A herd animal.

1. What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?

A mechanic.

1. What sickness do horses hate the most?

Hay fever.

1. What do you call a well-balanced horse?

Stable.

1. What do you call a horse wearing Venetian blinds?

A zebra.

1. What kind of bread does a horse eat?

Thoroughbred.

1. You’re riding a horse full speed, there’s a giraffe beside you, and a lion right behind you. What do you do?

Get off the carousel!

1. What is a horse’s favorite state?

Neighbraska.

1. What do you call a horse that can’t lose a race?

Sherbet.

1. What does it mean if you find a horseshoe?

Some poor horse is walking around in just his socks.

1. Where do horses get their hair done?

Maine.

1. What street do horses live on?

Mane Street.

1. When does a horse talk?

Whinny wants to.

1. How does a horse from Kentucky greet another horse?

With southern horspitality!

1. What do you call a horse that lives next door?

A neigh-bor.

1. I put a bet on a horse to come in at 10 to one and it did!

Unfortunately, all the others came in at 12:30.

1. What did one racehorse say to the other horse?

“The pace is familiar, but I can’t remember the mane.”

1. How do you make a small fortune on horse racing?

Start with a large fortune.

1. Why did the farmer ride his horse to town?

It was too heavy to carry!

1. What’s the quickest way to mail a little horse?

Use the Pony Express.

1. I put a bet on a horse that had excellent breeding.

After the horse left the starting gate, he stopped and closed it behind him.

1. Did you hear about the man who was hospitalized with six plastic horses inside him?

The doctor described his condition as stable.

1. What did the waiter say to the horse?

“I can’t take your order. That’s not my stable.”

1. A pony went to the doctor and said, “Doc, I think I’m dying. I have this terrible sore throat.”

The doctor assured him, “It’s OK — you’re just a little horse.”

1. What do you give a sick horse?

Cough stirrup.

1. What is the best type of story to tell a runaway horse?

A tale of WHOA!

1. What did the momma say to the foal?

“It’s pasture your bedtime.”

1. A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks,

“Why the long face?”

1. What type of horse can jump higher than a house?

All of them. Houses can’t jump!

1. What does a horse say when you don’t give them enough hey?

“Ney.”

1. A cowboy buys a horse from the town pastor. The pastor explains, “To make the horse go, you gotta yell, ‘Thank God!’ And to make it stop, yell, ‘Hallelujah.’”

The cowboy rides away. He rides all day and starts to nod off in the saddle when he notices he is about to ride straight over a cliff. Searching his memory, he yells to the horse, “Hallelujah! Hallelujah!” The horse grinds to a stop just at the edge of the cliff. The cowboy wipes the sweat off his forehead. “Phew!” the cowboy sighs. “Thank God!”

1. I named my horse Mayo.

Mayo neighs.

1. Two horses are standing in a field.

“I’m so hungry I could eat a horse,” says the first. “Moo!” says the second.

1. Chuck Norris doesn’t ride horses. Horses ride him.
2. We were at a restaurant today, and my dad was talking about a place called Sea Ranch.

I asked, “What do they raise there? Sea horses?”

1. So about a year ago, I was riding a horse, and out of nowhere, the horse tried to flip me off it. I fell off and would have been OK, but my foot got stuck in the stirrup. The horse dragged me along and didn’t stop. I would have died if it weren’t for the Walmart manager who came out and unplugged the horse.
2. A talking horse walks into a bar and approaches the manager.

“Excuse me, good sir,” the horse says. “Are you hiring?” The manager looks the horse up and down and says, “Sorry, pal. Why don’t you try the circus?” The horse snickers. “Why would the circus need a bartender?”

1. What’s invisible and smells like hay?

Horse farts.

1. What do you call 144 horses in a box?

Gross!

1. Why was the horse naked?

Because the jockey fell off.

1. Why did the pony have to gargle?

Because it was a little horse!

1. What’s the hardest thing about learning to ride a horse?

The ground.