63 Perfectly Accurate, Funny Quotes About "Good Mornings"

Are you a morning person? If so, you probably won’t appreciate these quotes. Nope. These funny quotes about mornings, good mornings, and the people that wish such things on others are decidedly negative. These funny “good morning” quotes are for the night owls, the sleep-til-noon-and-still-need-caffeine type people, the “but first, coffee” folks. Our people. Of course, if you’re a morning person, we harbor no hard feelings towards you. That is until you attempt to spread that pre-noon cheer or suggest we do absolutely anything other than sleep before the sun reaches its peak position… and then starts its descent once again.

It is just for these decidedly un-morning people that we’ve rounded up these funny and sometimes sassy quotes about mornings. Perfect for a chuckle before you roll over and go back to sleep. Rest assured, when we do have to roll out of bed, these quotes — and lots of coffee — will make us smile because they will be truly relatable.

Funny Good Morning Quotes

1. “Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not; or that you feel good this morning; or that it is a morning to be good on?” — J.R.R. Tolkien
2. “Never face facts; if you do you’ll never get up in the morning.” — Marlo Thomas
3. “Morning is wonderful. Its only drawback is that it comes at such an inconvenient time of day.” — Glen Cook
4. “Every single day I wake up and make up my mind that I am going to work really hard. Then my mind laughs at me and says ‘Good joke.’ Then we laugh for some more time and I go back to bed.” — Gehenna Toss
5. “I hate when I dream of alarm clocks going off.” — Jarod Kintz
6. “Moist groaned. It was the crack of seven and he was allergic to the concept of two seven o’clocks in one day.” — Terry Pratchett
7. “Some people wake up drowsy. Some people wake up energized. I wake up dead.” — James Marsden
8. “Morning will come, it has no choice.” — Marty Rubin
9. “Everyone wants me to be a morning person. I could be one, only if morning began after noon” — Tony Smite
10. “So far as I know, anything worth hearing is not usually uttered at seven o’clock in the morning; and if it is, it will generally be repeated at a more reasonable hour for a larger and more wakeful audience.” — Moss Hart
11. “Good morning is a contradiction of terms.” — Jim Davis
12. “There should be a rule against people trying to be funny before the sun comes up.” — Kristen Chandler
13. “I love the early hours of the day. It’s a nice place to visit but I wouldn’t want to live there.” — James Lileks
14. “Birds scream at the top of their lungs in horrified hellish rage every morning at daybreak to warn us all of the truth, but sadly we don’t speak bird.” — Kurt Cobain
15. “Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.” — Punit Ghadge
16. “Progress isn’t made by early risers. It’s made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something. — Robert Heinlein
17. Mornings are pure evil from the pits of hell, which is why I don’t do them anymore. — Rachel Caine
18. The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue. — Dorothy Parker
19. Every morning is a battle between the superego and the id, and I am a mere foot soldier with mud and a snooze button on her shield. — Catherynne Valente
20. Even bad coffee is better than no coffee at all. — David Lynch
21. The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible. — Jean Kerr
22. My routine is to ride that snooze button as far as it will take me, take a quick shower, get dressed in the dark and bolt out the door. — Willie Geist
23. Today’s goals: Coffee and kindness. Maybe two coffees and then kindness. — Nanea Hoffman
24. I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake. — Lewis Black
25. I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. — Winston Churchill
26. One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I’ll never know. — Groucho Marx
27. I wake up every morning at nine and grab for the morning paper. Then I look at the obituary page. If my name is not on it, I get up. — Benjamin Franklin
28. You feel a little older in the morning. By noon I feel about 55. — Bob Dole
29. Morning comes whether you set the alarm or not. — Ursula Le Guin
30. The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office. — Robert Frost
31. Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work. — Robert Orben
32. Sometimes I wake up and think I should start wearing a beret, but I don’t do it. — Mitch Hedburg
33. I’m sorry for people who don’t drink. They wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day. — Frank Sinatra
34. Everyone should experience a sunrise at least once a day. — Phil Dunphy
35. It sounds plausible enough tonight, but wait until tomorrow. Wait for the common sense of the morning. — H.G. Wells
36. When reality and dreams collide, typically it’s just your alarm clock going off.” — Crystal Woods
37. Mornings are almost clean slates. I say almost because the residue of yesterdays is sometimes stuck on them. — Medeia Sharif
38. I yawned and stretched luxuriously in the morning. I make noises when I stretch because it feels ten times better than stretching silently.” — Kevin Hearne
39. A morning coffee is my favorite way of starting the day, settling the nerves so that they don’t later fray. — Marcia Carrington
40. Morning not only forgives, it forgets. — Marty Rubin
41. In the morning, I woke like a sloth in the fog. — Leslie Connor
42. Sunrise is starting to feel like a guilt trip. — Kris Kidd
43. Love is blind. Especially in the morning, because I can’t see a damn thing before having coffee. — Aleksandra Ninkovic
44. I wake up in the morning and lay in my bed waiting for my mom to prepare breakfast. And suddenly I remember that I’m the mom. — Unknown
45. Lose an hour in the morning and you will spend all day looking for it. — Richard Whately
46. I hate mornings, they start so early. — Janet Evanovich
47. The best part of waking up is still a mystery to me. — Uknown
48. “I want to live my life in such a way that when I get out of bed in the morning, the devil says, “aw s***, he’s up!” — Steve Maraboli
49. “What irritates me most of all about these morning people is their horribly good temper, as if they have been up for three hours and already conquered France.” — Timur Vermes
50. “Some mornings I just feel like breaking the damn alarm but then one thing always stops me. I paid hundreds of dollars to buy my phone.” — Job Might
51. “I have always disliked the morning, it is too responsible a time, with the daylight demanding that it be ‘faced’ and (usually when I wake for I wake late) with the sun already up and in charge of the world, with little hope of anyone usurping or challenging its authority. A shot of light in the face of a poor waking human being and another slave limbs wounded into the light-occupied territory.” — Janet Frame
52. “I need to get up; my coffee needs me.” — Unknown
53. “Getting up early is the first step in the wrong direction.” — Unknown

Inspirational Good Morning Quotes

1. “Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson
2. “I get up every morning and it’s going to be a great day. You never know when it’s going to be over, so I refuse to have a bad day.”
3. “An early-morning walk is a blessing for the whole day.” — Henry David Thoreau
4. “If you’re changing the world, you’re working on important things. You’re excited to get up in the morning.” — Larry Page
5. “When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive, to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.” — Marcus Aurelius
6. “I like freedom. I wake up in the morning and say, “I don’t know, should I have a popsicle or a donut?’ You know, who knows?” — Oscar Nunez
7. “Some people dream of success, while other people get up every morning and make it happen.” — Wayne Huizenga
8. “Morning is an important time of day because how you spend your morning can often tell you what kind of day you are going to have.” — Lemony Snicket
9. “I’m always thinking about creating. My future starts when I wake up every morning. Every day I find something creative to do with my life.” — Miles Davis
10. “Now that your eyes are open, make the sun jealous with your burning passion to start the day. Make the sun jealous to stay in bed.” — Malak El Halabi