What The Hell Is Going On With This Bonkers Funeral-Themed House?

You have to feast your eyes on this Baltimore house listing and the funeral pyre inside

The housing market is absolutely bonkers right now. If you’re in the market to buy, chances are you’ve been stressed and rejected more times than you thought anyone could possibly be stressed or rejected during this process. If you’re selling a home, well, pin a rose on your nose because it’s definitely a seller’s market right now. This brings us to this Baltimore home, which will probably sell ASAP even though it’s basically just one giant, chic funeral home.

In normal selling times, a homeowner and real estate agent might have a heck of a time trying to find the right buyer for this house. But we aren’t in normal times, and even the most dilapidated old shacks are going for $20,000 above asking price, so it’s probably not too crazy to assume even this house will go pretty fast.

Or is it? Because whoever lives here really likes… death. And gothic decor. And the post-mortem process.

How does one stage a house like this one, you ask? Very specifically, according to the seller’s agent, Matt Godbey from Re/Max, who spoke with Slate about this particular home.

“Well, you should have seen it before,” Godbey said. “He somewhat neutralized it. I told him: I’ve been doing this for 33 years, and I know what sells. Some of the things in there, I told him, will frighten people. There were about 25 mannequins in the basement and some upstairs.”

And yes, even this house in all its creepy splendor, is getting some attention. That’s a pretty big indication of what the housing market is like right now, just saying.

“We wanted to catch the spring market,” Godbey tells Slate. “And it’s working—I’ve got six or seven showings scheduled already, and it’s been up less than a day. Part of what’s going on is there’s just nothing for sale. Everything I put on the market is getting multiple offers.”

Though the agent cannot disclose whether it’s the Cullen family or the Adams family that’s selling the property, the coffin in the living room really is a good conversation piece. The lack of color is reminiscent of the black-and-white portion of the movie Pleasantville, but there’s not much that’s pleasant about this home (unless you’re a Cullen or an Adams).

And if you’re wondering if the creepiness ends at the extremely empty, very dark, very black basement… nope! It’s Halloween all year round in the backyard.

The stone wet bar is pretty cool, though. Even with the spiderweb.

As very unique listings tend to do, this house went viral pretty quickly, and it’s easy to see why.

And in case you’re wondering what the inspiration for such a home could possibly be, the seller isn’t a funeral director or hearse driver or embalmer or even, well, Lurch. “His thing is horror movies,” the agent explains. “It’s not a cult thing.”

Well, that’s a relief. For a house so unsettling in nature, it sure is chic. So there’s that.