From The Confessional: Some Husbands Just Can't Keep Their D*cks In Their Pants

Too many women have felt the devastating blow of their partner cheating on them. Maybe it was their high school sweetheart, maybe it was the man they thought they were going to marry in their 20s. Maybe they were able to let them go because they didn’t think they were going to be able to get over it. And maybe they stayed and were able to work through it and really move on.

As someone who has felt the burn of being cheated on by my husband of over ten years, I’m here to tell you something: when it’s your husband — the one person you trusted enough to share a home and have kids with — it hits different.

I also have to add that whatever you decide has to be 100% your decision and something you are comfortable with. If you discover your husband has cheated (it doesn’t matter if he confesses, or if you catch him in the act), I can tell you that your self-esteem is going to take a hit. It’s normal, it’s okay, and that feeling will also fade into the sunset as soon as you take care of yourself and realize his cheating has nothing to do with you … and everything to do with him.

Do you hear me? It has nothing to do with you.

Men cheat because of how it makes them feel. They cheat to boost their self-esteem and they cheat in order to try and fix things inside of them that aren’t your responsibility. (These are words from my ex-husband who cheated on me.)

First, it’s not your job to always be in charge of your husband’s ego. It’s not your job to have sex with him if you don’t want to, and it’s not your job look a certain way for your man.

Yes, it’s a partnership — but a partnership doesn’t involve your feeling like you have to be perfect, or look or act a certain way so your man doesn’t stray. Got it?

Whoa. Cheating is ugly enough on its own. But to cheat, then post to a porn site, then to deny it is in a category of shithead-ness I can’t even wrap my head around. While no one can tell you what’s best for you and your family, look at the levels of deceit and notice how it makes you feel and be honest with yourself. Can you truly get over it, or not?

Some can, and some can’t.

If you don’t think you can, but are afraid of being alone or think you will never find anyone else — let me tell you, sister, you will. You are worthy of feeling like your best self. You are worthy of not being lied to. You are worthy of a monogamous relationship if that’s what you want.

That doesn’t mean leaving him won’t hurt or be hard. What it does mean is you will never have to wonder if he’s posting videos of himself having sex with others for you to find, or using your home as a porn studio, ever again. You deserve that peace.

I hear you here, I do. But don’t camp out and stay. You aren’t an ugly troll and never deserve to feel that way. He didn’t cheat because you aren’t enough. He cheated because he feels like he’s not enough and needs attention from other women to feel better about himself. You can’t fix that.

This is painful, I know. Take a minute to ask yourself how you’d feel with someone who never stepped out on your marriage and who makes you feel like the queen that you are. How does that taste? A lot better than how you are feeling right now, I’m sure.

Maybe the two of you can come together to strengthen your marriage and earn trust back, if that’s what you want. But don’t ever let the actions of someone else change the way you think about yourself.

I lived with this for about a year after my husband cheated. Then, I found some really satisfying hobbies, starting investing in friendships, and began working again. Basically, I went to where I felt whole and happy and I discovered that I wasn’t getting that feeling from him. Once you realize that, you just don’t have the desire to be around people who make you feel small.

Oh, so you went to his office, tied him up and forced him to have sex with his assistant? Yeah, happens all the time. If only wives would stop forcing their husbands to cheat, there would be a lot less infidelity in the world.

Obviously, I’m kidding. This is in no way your fault. It’s just easier to push the blame on you and make you feel like you are the one in the wrong than to take responsibility for what he did. It’s really fucking weak, and 100% of women would agree with me on that.

No one deserves to feel like if they had only done something different their man would have been able to keep his dick in his pants. He has a choice, just like you have a choice.

It’s not always black and white. Affairs happen. They can be the breaking point, or the making point for a marriage.

However, if being with someone who has broken your trust isn’t something you can heal from and is keeping you in a box you don’t want to live in any longer, please, please realize you deserve to have everything you want.

Take it from me, a woman who has been there, and who stayed with her husband for years after his affair because I didn’t think I could make it on my own — once you break away and realize what you are worth, you will never settle again. The anger will start to fade a bit as soon as you start to make positive changes for yourself. And this feeling is so much better and healthier than staying with someone who has damaged you in ways you didn’t know you could be damaged.

Now, let the healing begin.