From the Confessional: This At-Home Learning Sh*t Sucks

What a difference a month can make. 30 days ago, our kids were hopping on the bus, or jumping out of our car in carline, skipping into school (or dragging themselves in … grumpily, but still going) Monday through Friday. We were running them to and from dance and hockey and after school Spanish club and playdates with friends. We were arguing with them about doing their math homework and regularly forgetting to sign that damn reading log.

Now it’s like we are living on a different planet. A planet where suddenly our kids are up our ass-cracks 24/7 and we are now the teachers. Or at least the “sort-of” teachers, while the real thing is on the other side of an email or Google classroom or Zoom chat. Where they go to “school” in their pajamas and we’ve never been more confused about common core.

The only comfort we can find is that we’re all stuck in this wretched at-home-learning circle of hell together. Just check out the Scary Mommy Confessional, and you won’t feel so alone.

So yeah, it’s going great. Super. Never felt better about anything in my life.

Confessional #25773341

“My daughters’ schools/teachers are offering OPTIONAL work assignments while we are out of school until April 24. Hell no, my daughters would never do homework and schoolwork just to do it. LOL.”

Confessional #25773226

“DD 5 is fucking miserable because of no school/staying at home/etc but has no idea why she’s in such a bad mood. I’m trying to be sympathetic but mostly I just want her to leave me the hell alone.”

Confessional #25772555 “Kids are fighting, dragging their feet on doing school work, and stressing me out. Laying down a new schedule tomorrow to get them back in line. So fucking tired of my own voice. Hate having to police them.”

How about no. Not doing it.

Confessional #25773302

“I don’t know how work from home and home-schooling parents do it – I simply don’t have the self-discipline to ignore distractions and stay on task when I try to work at home.”

Confessional #25772695 “Can we stop with this homeschooling pretense? Worried about staying alive, worried about going bankrupt, now I have to feel like an inadequate mom on top of everything.” Confessional #25773407 “I don’t want to. I don’t want to make a schedule. I don’t want to enforce screen time. I don’t want to plan lessons for distance learning. I want to wake up BBC from this nightmare. And I’m one of the most fortunate ones.”

OMG TEACHERS — YOU ARE AMAZING. HOW DO YOU DO THIS?! WE MISS YOUUUUUU.

Confessional #25773238

“No one in my family thinks my job as a public school teacher is important. I’m only (remotely) educating the future of this nation.”

Confessional #25772559 “Volunteered at my kids’ school 4 or 5 times a few years back. My first thought was how does anyone do this two days in a row, let alone for decades? Fuck Coronavirus, I am not designed to homeschool my children. Mad respect for teachers!!!!!!!” Confessional #25772801 “This past week can pretty much suck my dick. Two teachers with a small child. Both have tons of prep to adjust to remote classrooms, with a demanding preschooler in our grills. I’m feeling pretty stabbity and like a breakdown is imminent.”

We’re trying. Like, really trying. Even if it doesn’t look like it.

Confessional #25773095 “I am an introverted SAHM and this being home with the kids thing isn’t a lot different than usual for me. DD7 is extremely social and misses being at school and spending time with friends. She was crying at bedtime and I didn’t know how to make it better.” Confessional #25772008 “I suspected my kid wouldn’t respond well to homeschooling. Day 3, and HOLY SHIT was I right. It’s gonna be a long 3 or 6 or whothefuckknows weeks…” Confessional #25772705 “I already put my child behind because I do not know how to electronically connect her for school work as we have to stay home to quarantine ourselves from the Coronavirus. Fuck, I should know this shit and yet I fuck things up for my kids all the time!”

This is scary. It’s hard to bury our fears and be strong for our kids right now.

Confessional #25772218 “I am a college student, but I study history, not child development, and I have a hard time with my own kids. I am not qualified to teach them (this is why I support strong public schools), but there’s nobody else now and I am so scared.” Confessional #25772931 “The shitstorm that keeps on giving… Covid, $, remote school, home most of the time and trying to entertain ds4 w/o screens. now my car is dead af, AND the ’emergency car’ is acting up. We are barely $craping by. Fuck.”

And, super fun bonus — COVID-19 / quarantining / at-home learning is wreaking havoc on our relationships as well. Remember that “for better or for worse bit?” Well, this isn’t the “for better” part for lots of us.

Confessional #25772510 “It’s going to be a long out of school time if my husband comes home each day and questions what we did all day. We read, play outside, clean, and lounge. But nope, that’s not enough. And it makes me feel like a shitty parent even tho I know I’m not.” Confessional #25773417 “COVID 19 Stay at Home Order. Working from home. Home schooling 3rd grader and Kindergarten boys. Husband gets mad bc I dont have time for him. I’m exhausted. Grow up.” Confessional #25773038 “I am grateful my H is tag teaming home schooling. I couldn’t work and home school two very unwilling children on my own. One less wine I’ll need later now.” So hang in there, parents. Take comfort in knowing that moms and dads all over the world just like you have been thrust into this role with little warning (and no training). In the end, if you can read with your kids, help them use their brains, and keep them safe, they’ll be okay. In this time of unprecedented crisis, that might be all you can do. And that’s all right.