From The Confessional: Parenting Babies And Toddlers Is Exhausting AF

So many of us grow up dreaming of motherhood. Of looking down and bonding with the tiny human we created, cradled in our arms, relying on us, their mothers, to keep them alive. We dream of how we’ll teach them to share and be kind and sing their ABCs and tie their shoes. We imagine their tiny fingers wrapping around ours for comfort and how our heartbeats will beat together, mother and child, as we forge through our adventures together, learning and growing and figuring out this thing called life.

That’s an idyllic picture, isn’t it? Only for many of us, it’s not real. The real picture is of a screaming banshee flailing about, not comforted by Mom’s heartbeat, but only by gnawing on her 20 out of 24 hours a day. The real picture is not of a proud mother, soaking in the bliss and glory of bonding with her tiny human, but rather, of a frazzled, exhausted shell of a woman who used to get dressed, shower, and wear pants that button, but now counts the minutes until bedtime, lives in sweats covered in spit-up, and cries in her wine at nap time because she feels like she’s failing.

The truth is, many moms hate the baby and toddler days, mostly because each one lasts for 8300 hours. And because they’re trapped. And because they feel like all of their identity outside nourishing this small, needy human has been stripped away. But they’re not bad moms. In fact, they’re pretty amazing as they get up again, day after day, doing the work needed to make sure those hangry banshees do grow into fun little people who can eventually feed and wipe themselves and allow Mom to find herself again after years of feeling invisible.

Moms of littles are so tired of feeling trapped. So tired of everything being so damn hard. And so tired of feeling jealous and resentful of friends with older kids who get to drink hot coffee.

We feel like epic failures when we just can’t hold the baby for another minute. But we’re broken in mind, body, and spirit, and need to step away.

Some us truly just hate the newborn stage, can’t wait until it’s over, and don’t miss it at all. And that’s okay. Not everyone is cut out to be a baby-lover. Some of us really hit our stride when our kids are older, can speak in sentences, and have stopped using us as chew toys.

We might foolishly still try to take a “vacation” with our tiny piranhas, which ends up being exactly what vacationing with piranhas sounds like it would be.

Toddlers run our lives. Their nap, bedtime, and pooping schedules dictate when and where we go. They strip us of all freedoms, like seeing friends, sleeping, and having hobbies. And we can only escape them when we hide behind a locked door.

The baby and toddler days are brutal for many of us, and if you find yourself feeling trapped and exhausted and unable to breathe as you fight all day long to keep your baby honey badgers alive, we get it. So find some chocolate, or some wine, pop those babies into the pack and play, and go hide for a bit. You deserve some peace and freedom and a reminder that you are a whole, beautiful, amazing person outside this 24/7 job called motherhood.

And remember—they won’t always be babies. And they won’t always be toddlers. It’s okay if you don’t love this stage. You’re doing great.