From The Confessional: Periods Are A Part Of Life, But They Really Suck

I had the “talk” with my daughter the other day—periods, puberty, sex, all of it. The one thing that shocked her the most? Periods. Specifically the fact that they happened as often as they do. When I explained that this would be a part of her life every month, for decades, she looked at me in horror. “It happens EVERY MONTH?!” she said.

Yep. It sure does. How hashtag blessed are we?! *cries.*

And in that moment I thought about all the experiences she might possibly have on her period journey through life. Would she get it unexpectedly at school? Would she get horrid cramps like her mom did at 14? Or forget she had a mini-pad on and jump in the pool at the party HER CRUSH WAS AT and watch in horror as the mini-pad floated to the surface of the water (also like her mom did)? Or get it on her sleeping bag at a fucking sleepover (like her mom did)??!

Or would her period hopefully not cause any mortifying, life-altering, embarrassing stories that would haunt her dreams at 41 when she was raising a pre-pubescent daughter of her own?

Whatever her journey ends up being, I knew I at least had to prepare her as best I could. So we talked about pads and tampons and cramps and boobs and vaginas and ovaries and fallopian tubes and eggs and uterine linings. And I made sure she knew she could ask me any questions and talk to me about any of it, any time.

Because periods suck, but they’re a part of life we can’t avoid. Here are some confessions from folks who’ve been dealing with them for years and probably still have years to go, since it’s so fucking fun having a uterus.

One of the worst parts of menstruating is that our families don’t understand how terrible we feel. Stop asking us for shit, make your own damn dinner, and leave us TF alone.

Between the exhaustion, emotional roller coaster, and headaches, we feel like we’re dying. But we’re moms, so we still have to do 900 things for everyone anyway.

And the cramps. Uggggghhh the cramps. They start when we’re tweens or tweens and get it for the first time, and they often don’t let up until our uteruses are all said and done 40 years later.

And by our 40s we should have some handle on it, right? Like our bodies will finally figure this shit out and it won’t be so bad? Hahahaha. No. Our 40s is when perimenopause kicks in, and our periods are worse than ever. Yay!

There are other super annoying parts too, like our period showing up randomly when we have a GYNO appointment of all things, random chin hair, and… itchy periods?! WTF else are our bodies going to throw at us?

And there’s this unexpected surprise—lots of us get super horny right before Aunt Flo swoops in to ruin our week. It sure is a roller coaster having ovaries, isn’t it?

So no, I didn’t tell alllll of the things to my daughter, who hasn’t yet experienced her first foray into period-world. I mean, the shit we go through—I’ll let her learn some of it as she goes. But yeah, bracing our kids for cramps, the benefits of tampons vs. pads, and the wonder of a hot water bottle, I think is a good start.

And someday if she sprouts a random chin hair on day 1 of her period, I hope I’m around to walk her through that one too. Or at least commiserate with her that yep, menstruation can really suck ass—whether you’re 13 or 43.