45 'Fleabag' Quotes That Are So Truthful They Hurt

If you’ve watched Fleabag, you know how Earth-shatteringly beautiful and brutally honest the dialogue is throughout its two seasons. You certainly laugh. But, it’s those gut-wrenching moments of truth that bring everything home and brought you back in each episode. How often did you hear Fleabag et all speak the words you feel in your own heart? If you haven’t seen the Phoebe Waller-Bridge-led (and Obama fave) show yet, that’s okay. The Emmy award-winning show is available to stream on Amazon. And we guarantee that after reading these Fleabag quotes, you’re going to want to hop right on it.

Fleabag Quotes On Feminism… kinda

1. “I have a horrible feeling I am a greedy, perverted, selfish, apathetic, cynical, depraved, morally bankrupt woman who can’t even call herself a feminist.” – Fleabag

2. “Hair is everything. We’re meant to think that it’s a symbol of power, that it’s a symbol of fertility.” – Fleabag

3. “Women are born with pain built in. We carry it within ourselves. Men have to seek it out.”- Belinda

4. “Sometimes I worry, I wouldn’t be such a feminist if I had bigger tits.” – Fleabag

5. “Being proper and sweet and nice and pleasing is a fucking nightmare. It’s exhausting.” – Fleabag

Cynical and 100% True Fleabag Quotes

6. “Don’t make me an optimist. You will ruin my life.” – Fleabag

7. “Either everyone feels like this a little bit and they’re just not talking about it or I am completely fucking alone.” – Fleabag

8. “I spent most of my adult life using sex to deflect from the screaming void inside my empty heart.” – Fleabag

On People

9. “Maybe happiness isn’t what you believe, but who you believe.” – Fleabag

10. “People are all we’ve got. So grab the night by its nipples and go flirt with someone.” – Belinda

11. Bank Manager: “People make mistakes.”

Fleabag: “That’s why they put rubbers at the end of pencils.”

On Love, Friendship And Relationships

12. “I want someone to tell me what to wear every morning. I want someone to tell me what to eat. What to like, what to hate, what to rage about, what to listen to, what band to like, what to buy tickets for, what to joke about, what not to joke about. I want someone to tell me what to believe in, who to vote for, who to love and how to tell them.” – Fleabag

13. “The only person I’d run through an airport for is you.” — Claire

14. “Don’t make me hate you. Loving you’s painful enough.” – Harry

15. “Love is awful. It’s painful. Frightening. It makes you doubt yourself, judge yourself, distance yourself from the other people in your life. Makes you selfish, makes you creepy, makes you obsessed with your hair. It takes strength to know what’s right. And love isn’t something that weak people do. Being a romantic takes a hell of a lot of hope.” – The Priest

16. “[Love is] all any of us want and it’s Hell when we get there! So, no wonder it’s something we don’t want to do on our own.” – The Priest

17. “Celibacy is a lot less complicated than romantic relationships.” – The Priest

18. “I’m not obsessed with sex. I just can’t stop thinking about it. The performance of it. The awkwardness of it. The drama of it.” – Fleabag

19. “I was taught if we’re born with love then life is about choosing the right place to put it. People talk about that a lot, feeling right, when it feels right it’s easy. But I’m not sure that’s true. It takes strength to know what’s right. And love isn’t something that weak people do.” – The Priest

20. “We’re not friends. We are sisters. Get your own friends.” – Claire

Other Iconic quotes from Fleabag

21. “If you rid a woman of her head and limbs you can’t really expect her to do anything other than roll around.” – Fleabag

22. “I took half an hour trying to look nice and I ended up looking amazing.” – Fleabag

23. “It’s like having sex with a protractor.” – Fleabag

24. “Tits don’t get you anywhere these days. Trust me.” – Fleabag

25. “Chic” means boring. Don’t tell the French.” – Fleabag

26. “I ate a sausage over there, thinking it was a prune. 15 years of vegetarianism, gone. Like bang, bang.” – Klare

27. “I think you know how to love better than any of us. That’s why you find it all so painful.” — Fleabag’s Father

28. “Being a romantic takes a hell of a lot of hope. I think what they mean is, when you find somebody that you love, it feels like hope.” – The Priest

29. “With all the love I have for her. I don’t know where to put it now.” – Fleabag

30. “I’ll always love you but I just can’t take it anymore. I don’t hate you; I’m scared for you.” – Harry

31. “After all, sex got us all here. Sex brings life.” – Godmother

32. “People just disappear because it spooks them to be around someone in pain.” – Fleabag

33. “You don’t go through life with teeth like these, and not know when someone’s pretending.” – Bus Rodent

34. “Yeah, he’s horrifically hot. You’re gonna puke when you see him.” – Fleabag

35. “I talk and drink and laugh and give them Bibles, and hope they eventually leave me alone.” – The Priest

36. “My bottom dropped ages ago. My farts used to be like “pah!”. Now they’re just sort of fighting their way out.” – Fleabag

37. “I’d spend 40 days and 40 nights in that dessert.” – The Priest

38. “I’m not a bad guy. I just have a bad personality.” – Martin

39. “You’ll always be fine. You’ll always be interesting, with your quirky cafe and your dead best friend. You just make me feel like I’ve failed.” – Claire

40. “Do I have a massive arsehole?” – Fleabag

41. “If it’s any consolation, you look older than you are.” – Fleabag

42. “Let’s keep going, I saw some more stuff she’ll hate over there.” – Martin

43. “Is that a bassoon in your hand or are you just pleased to see me?” – Martin

44. “As long as I can wear it or eat it, I’m happy.” – Boo

45. “I look like a pencil.” – Claire