So You Wanna Be A Farmer? Get A Load Of These Silly Farm Jokes

Farming is hard, y’all. But it’s also rewarding, whether you’ve just pulled a struggling calf from his mama or you’re eating the literal fruits of your labor. At the end of the day, you typically have something to show for the work you’ve put in. And while that work is certainly dirty and backbreaking, that doesn’t mean you can’t have fun. After all, farming involves lots of amusing animals. If you spend enough time around them (which, as a farmer, you will!), these creatures will certainly make you laugh. Cows can be silly and sweet. Pigs are often hilarious, rooting around in the mud and sounding off with funny grunts. What about when that silliness fails, though? Sometimes you just need a good joke.

And luckily we’ve gathered plenty of jokes for kids and adults alike. From jokes about spooky ghosts and their favorite season (Autumn, of course) to the vast amount of jokes about our favorite holiday (spoiler: it’s Christmas), there’s literally a joke for any occasion. Shoot. There’s even a giant chunk of jokes dedicated to bananas. You know another topic that seems to warrant its fair share of jokes? That’s right — farming, farmers, and farm life offer quite the breadth of subject matter one can giggle over. These jokes, puns, and even riddles are exactly what you need after a day on the farm. (Whether you’re growing those pumpkins or just picking them.)

Want to hear more jokes about Old McDonald’s farm animals? Check out our joke pages on chickens, sheep, horses, and more jokes for kids. Or, if you’ve already put the kids to bed and are looking for a more mature laugh, you can sneak over to our dirty jokes page.

Fantastically Funny Farm Jokes

1. Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?

Because they lactose!

1. What is a farmer’s favorite Bruce Springsteen song?

Born in the USDA.

1. As farmers, we hear a lot of jokes about sheep.

We’d tell them to the dog, but he’d herd them all!

1. What did the farmer say when his fat pig wouldn’t fit into the pen?

“There’s more there than meets the sty.”

1. Why did the pig take a bath?

The farmer said “hogwash”!

1. What’s black and white and eats like a horse?

A zebra.

1. Why were the baby strawberries crying?

Their ma and pa were in a jam.

1. What did the neurotic pig say to the farmer?

“You take me for grunted.”

1. Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm?

Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears!

1. What farm animal keeps the best time?

A watch dog.

1. How did the organic vegetable die?

Natural causes.

1. What did the mommy cow say to the baby cow?

“It’s pasture bedtime!”

1. Where does a farmer get his medicine from?

The farm-acist.

1. What do you get when you cross a farmer and some trendy headphones?

Beets by Dre.

1. What kinds of pigs know karate?

Pork chops.

1. What kind of things does a farmer talk about when he is milking cows?

Udder nonsense.

1. What type of horses only go out at night?

Nightmares!

1. Why are farmers cruel?

Because they pull corn by the ears.

1. Did you hear about the wooden tractor?

It had wooden wheels, a wooden engine, wooden transmission, and wooden work!

1. What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?

An eggroll!

1. What did the farmer say when he lost one of his cows?

What a miss-steak.

1. How did the farmer find his lost cow?

He tractor down.

1. Did you hear about the magic tractor?

It turned into a field.

1. Why do cows like being told jokes?

Because they like being amoosed.

1. Have you heard of the garlic diet?

You don’t lose much weight, but from a distance, your friends think you look great.

1. Why did the farmer call his pig “Ink”?

Because it was always running out of the pen.

1. What is a happy farmer’s favorite candy?

A Jolly Rancher.

1. What do you call a cow with no calf?

Decaffeinated.

1. What do you call a horse that lives next door?

A neigh-bor!

1. What do you call cattle with a sense of humor?

Laughing stock.

1. What is a sheep’s favorite game?

Baa-dminton!

1. Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel Prize?

Because he was out standing in his field!

1. What do you get when you cross a robot and a tractor?

A transfarmer.

1. Farmer John is so interested in conserving energy, he built a pig-powered car.

He has to get rid of it, though. Every time he turns a corner, the tires squeal.

1. No farm building should ever, under any circumstances, be used as a convent…

Barn nun.

1. If a cow laughed really hard…

would milk come out of her nose?

1. Why did the police arrest the turkey?

They suspected it of fowl play.

1. Why did the cow jump over the moon?

The farmer had cold hands.

1. What do farmers use to make crop circles?

A protractor.

1. Grain farmers have a tough life.

They barley survive from wheat to wheat.

1. What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer.

1. Why can’t the bankrupt cowboy complain?

He has got no beef.

1. What is a horse’s favorite sport?

Stable tennis!

1. What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?

Where’s popcorn?

1. I tried to navigate the farmer’s field…

But it was a maize.

1. What new crop did the farmer plant?

Beets me.

1. What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

1. What is a scarecrow’s favorite fruit?

Straw-berries!

1. What day do potatoes hate the most?

Fry-day!

1. Farmers earn a meager celery, come home beet, and just want to read the pepper, turn-ip the covers, en-dive into bed!
2. Where do farmers send their kids to grow?

Kinder-garden.

1. Why did the farmer feed his pigs sugar and vinegar?

He wanted sweet and sour pork.

1. Why did the pig dump her boyfriend?

Because he was a real BOAR.

1. Who tells chicken jokes?

Comedihens.

1. What did the farmer get when he crossed an owl with a goat?

A “Hootenanny.”

1. What happened when the farmer crossed a chili pepper, a shovel, and a terrier?

He got a hot-diggity-dog!

1. Why did the cabbage win the race?

Because it was ahead!

1. Being a farmer isn’t for everyone.

But hay, it’s in my jeans.

1. What grows under your nose?

Tulips!

1. Where do the horses go when they’re sick?

To the horsepital.

1. Knock, knock.

Who’s there? Cows go. Cows go who? No, silly… cows go moo!

1. Why did the farmer bury his money in a field?

He wanted to make his soil rich.

1. Why did the chick get sent off during a game of football?

It committed a fowl.

1. Why did the farmer plow her field with a steamroller?

Because she wanted to grow mashed potatoes!

1. Why didn’t the farmer laugh at any of these jokes?

Because they’re too corny.

1. What do you call a magic cow?

Moodini.

1. What do you call a cow with full armor?

Sir loin.

1. What do you get when you pamper a cow?

Spoiled milk.

1. What do cows read in the morning?

The moos-paper.

1. Where will you find the most cows?

Moo York.

1. Why did the cow go to the spa?

She really needed some re-hoove-ination!

1. The local horse has an amazing mane.

Maybe she was barn with it, or maybe it’s neighbelline.

1. I went into the barn and saw the pigs dancing.

They were putting on a performance of Swine Lake.

1. I used to never be able to use the wifi at my farm until I moved my router to the barn.

Now I have a stable connection.

1. A friend of mine has started making yachts to sell in his barn.

Sails are going through the roof.

1. What happens when you run out of manure on a farm?

You have to make doo.

1. What do you call the boss at Old McDonald’s Farm?

The CIEIO.

1. Why is rabbit farming a terrifying profession?

Every day is a hare-raising experience.

1. What do you call a small pork farm?

A hamlet.

1. What’s the quietest animal on a farm?

A ssshhheep.

1. I played a gig on a farm once.

The bass player thought he was hidden, but it was obvious he was playing behind the beet.

1. This drought has really killed my spice farm.

I don’t have the thyme to harvest.

1. Two windmills are standing on a wind farm.

One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”

1. A lettuce farm was busted by the FDA on suspicion of combining plant and human DNA to create a new protein hybrid.

When they dug up the grounds, they found human romaines.

1. Saw a sign at a farm that said “duck, eggs.”

I was contemplating the use of the comma when it hit me.

1. All of the cows on the farm networked all of their computers so they could stream the latest Disney film.

They set up a moo LAN.

1. Somebody stole my first edition copies of 1984 and Animal Farm.

Oh well.

1. One day on a farm, a man was accused of milking all the cows to keep the milk for himself.

When he was confronted about it, he said, “What an utter lie.”

1. Where do cows go for lunch?

The calf-etaria.

1. What do you call a cow with two legs?

Lean beef.

1. How do farmers party?

They turnip.

1. What did the Idaho farmer plant when he was not sure if he was going to sell the crop?

Spectators.

1. What’s it called when a tractor waits for a pedestrian to cross?

Crop yield.