IDGAF If My Spouse Watches Porn, And Here's Why

Porn is a hot button issue. It is often looked at as the scapegoat for intimacy issues in marriage, individuals who have socially deviant sexual desires, and a shit ton of other things. Our nation was outraged to discover our president was in close quarters with a porn star (but surprisingly, not by anything else he does). Even the autocorrect on my phone seems to think it’s a bad word. There’s no shortage of people ready and willing to proclaim their anti-porn lifestyle and tell you all the ways porn is the demise of all things good.

Of course, there are plenty of unacceptable situations relating to porn, like when it involves children, animals, is lacking consent, or is done in a public location. But barring those situations, if it’s used in the privacy of one’s home by someone who meets the age requirement, it isn’t anyone else business. In fact, I will go out on a limb and state for the record that IDGAF about porn. And there are a ton of reasons I have better things to dothan measure the level of coconut oil in the jar or check my husband’s browser history.

1. It provides inspiration.

When people think of porn, they often think of the heavily scripted vids with a full camera and make-up crew. Sure, a ton of videos look that way but there is a big world of amateur porn out there. Amateur sites and videos have regular looking people from a variety of sizes, genders, and colors making their own sex videos. There’s always room for improvement, but the amateur industry is pretty inclusive. The possibilities and combinations of what you can find are endless and that brings inspiration.

Amateur porn shows regular couples without special effects and gives us ideas about what to try in our home. It doesn’t set the same false expectations as the crew stuff. Sometimes we watch the videos together and get to express what we do and don’t like. It doesn’t happen often but we see it as another opportunity to learn more about each other.

2. I’m not a hypocrite.

I’m about to admit a deep, dark, but likely expected secret: I watch porn. There are plenty of conversations of misinformed men making disparaging comments about women in the sex industry. But I don’t feel like there is enough discussion about women who watch porn. We aren’t asexual beings like the world wants you to believe, and a good number of us watch porn.

Porn is a great resource for when I want to de-stress without the obstacle of waiting on anyone else. How ridiculous would I look telling my husband not to watch it when I have a go-to site?

3. I don’t own his sexuality.

This might be another unpopular opinion, but I’m of the belief that I don’t own my husband’s sexuality. Sure, there are some things that I expect him to consider my feelings before doing, but that’s much bigger stuff.

There might be people in relationships who believe that they can fill 100% of their partner’s sexual needs. Call me a cynic, but I don’t think that’s realistic. Truthfully, I believe it would be an undue burden on me to attempt to be there every time he has a need. I’m a work-from-home mom of one child and pregnant with anotherand he has a very high-stress job. We aren’t always going to “click” sexually. He’s a grown man who can take care of himself from time to time, and if he needs porn to do that, more power to him.

4. It’s a turn on.

The biggest reason I don’t mind my husband watching porn is that it’s a turn-on for me. I enjoy the thought and the vision of my husband finding time to be intimate with himself. Because a lot of the time, he sees those situations and thinks about me.

My husband and I have sexual morals that accommodate flexibility and openness. We don’t think sex is bad or sinful, and I’m working to take the shame out of the equation. I can’t tell anyone else what works for their marriage, but in our relationship, porn has become a resource, not an adversary. It’s one of many tools that help us get through the challenges that can accompany a marriage where it’s possible to not see each other for weeks or months at a time (military family). And neither of us see anything wrong with that.