Crunchy Peanut Butter Versus Creamy: People Have Big Feelings

True story: peanut butter is my friend. It’s the food I look forward to eating more than most. It’s so versatile: you can enjoy it on its own right out of the jar (which I do about three times a day), and it goes with anything.

I mean, have you ever taken a spoonful of peanut butter, put it in the microwave for ten seconds and topped it with chocolate chips? Oh, and adding a nice slab of it to a graham cracker before you make a s’more is legit. When I go out for ice cream you bet your ass I always ask if they have peanut butter sauce to add to my blizzard or sundae. If I know they don’t, I bring my own with no shame.

Every morning I throw a few frozen bananas, almond milk, cocoa powder, and a heaping spoonful of peanut butter in the blender and make myself some healthy ice cream for breakfast. Licking that spoon is the highlight of my day, and when the jar gets low and there isn’t another one on deck, I panic.

My kids like their peanut butter too and have been known to spread it on waffles, bagels, and make epic peanut butter and jelly sandwiches stuffed with chips.

I grew up on Skippy chunky peanut butter. Then there were the years when my mom changed it up and brought home a huge yellow pail of creamy. I don’t remember the name of it, but it was the ‘90s and it seemed creamy was in and chunky was out. I missed the lumpy Skippy, and I still think the only way to make peanut butter cookies is with crunchy peanut butter (if you enjoy your cookies with smooth peanut butter, I am sad for you.) Crunchy is hearty, filling, and oh so satisfying. But although I’m of the opinion that crunchy is best, I’ll take my peanut butter however I can get it.

I’m a fan of all natural peanut butter too. I don’t even mind the stirring. The way I look at it, all that mixing gets more on my spoon and gives me more to put in my mouth when my task is complete.

And have you even had the fresh-ground peanut butter you can make yourself at somewhere like Whole Foods? It’s not quite smooth, but not quite crunchy. The first time I tried the honey roasted from their grinder I almost had an orgasm. When I went back to get more, I brought a spoon with me and dug in as soon as I got in the car because my damn kids ate the first batch in a few days and I wanted to make sure I got most of it this time.

Scary Mommy asked some legume-butter fans how they felt about their nutty spread. For the most part people have very strong feelings about how they like it and back it up with solid reasons.

One commenter said, “Creamy, so it doesn’t chafe when I rub it all over my body.”

Okay, now that’s a concept I’d never thought of, but I’m open to a new adventure. Think I’ll keep some creamy on hand just in case this opportunity presents itself because no one likes chafing.

Another had the audacity to say, “Creamy. I’m pretty sure only grandpas who like things like black jellybeans and liver and onions enjoy crunchy peanut butter.”

Well slap my ass and call me Grandpa. You can keep the black jelly beans though.

Another commenter (who happens to be my kids’ grandpa, and loves black jelly beans and liver) said, “Crunchy. Always. Texture is best, more peanut taste!”

Right on! Maybe my love for crunchy peanut butter is in my genes.

A woman after my own heart commented, “Crunchy because it feels like a meal. Don’t judge.”

Yes! That is exactly right. I feel like I’m getting more out of the whole experience and my belly likes that.

Some have been traumatized by crunchy peanut butter though and told us their stories:

One woman said, “Creamy all the way. I find a sudden crunch disturbing, like I’ve just eaten a bug.”

Another chimed in with, “Creamy… crunchy ripped my bread growing up. I would end up with holes in my sandwich.”

Now, we can’t have holes in our sandwiches, but clearly this person needs a lesson because there is a finesse to spreading crunchy on a slice of bread– you have to load up the knife so there’s a thick layer, hello. Once they figure it out, they will never go back, I guarantee it.

And probably the most disturbing reason for preferring creamy came from a woman who told us, “CREAMY! My grandma used to make salmon patties all the time. One day I told her, ‘I like the crunchy parts.’ Then she told me they were bones. I literally threw up. I haven’t been able to eat anything that’s supposed to be a soft consistency but has had some crunch since then.”

Um, thanks granny for depriving this person of the best spread in the world.

There were a few readers who went both ways saying, “Creamy on a sandwich, but crunchy for eating straight out of a spoon!”

Okay, I totally get that. There are times you are in the mood for a little extra, and times you want something sliding into your mouth like buttah.

And this commenter knows what I’m talking about with the crunchy cookie texture: “Creamy for spoons and sammies, crunchy for cookies!”

Twitter has been having this debate for a while now:

What are your thoughts? Are you a die hard creamy peanut butter lover, do you prefer a little more substance in your spread, or are you one of the few who will try out both depending on your mood?

Now if you’ll excuse me, there’s a jar of Skippy in my pantry with my name on it. Crunchy, not creamy.