Massive Brawl Caught On Tape At Chuck E. Cheese Further Proves It’s The 9th Circle Of Hell

Fight at Miami Chuck E. Cheese caught on video

All parents know that Chuck E. Cheese is a bleak hell-scape where our dreams and dignity go to die, but sadly, some are also turning it into a defacto Fight Club spot. The latest example of this terrible trend is an all-out brawl at a Miami location caught on video last weekend.

Parents, we can’t take you anywhere.

According to The Miami Herald, a violent fight involving several “adults” at a Chuck E. Cheese was caught on tape by 16-year-old Krystal Jimenez (because all the actual grown-ups were too busy throwing right hooks to take video.) Check it out and prepare to cringe in secondhand embarrassment.

Cheesus Christ.

There was hair-pulling, shoving and punching to rival any bar fight, only it wasn’t a bar. It was a kid’s play place. In front of tons of kids.

Maybe they should change their slogan to, “Chuck E. Cheese. Where a kid can watch their parent get slapped with a drunken disorderly!” The fact that the place serves alcohol had Jimenez suggesting it played a role in the grown-ups getting themselves all riled up. The establishments that sell it (not all Chuck’s serve alcohol) do have a two-drink limit, but since when has that stopped enterprising individuals from finding a way? Hello, vodka in a water bottle.

Jimenez says the fight began “because one person was looking at them and instigating a problem then they went up to them and their families got involved.”

Seriously? Someone looked at them so they put up their dukes? Was this person perhaps three toddlers stacked on top of each other hiding underneath a trench coat? Because an actual adult should not be going Ronda Rousey on another adult because they looked at them.

No one was arrested, but this fight is only the latest in a disturbing trend of grown-ups flexing their beer muscles while their kids chilled with Mr. Cheese. A huge fight at a Pittsburgh location this past March that started with two parents arguing at a 1-year-old’s birthday party resulted in a brawl involving over 50 people.

The Washington Post helpfully points out that there have been Chuck E. Cheese battles at franchises in Long Island, Florida, California, Alabama, Texas and Wisconsin. In fact, a YouTube search for Chuck E. Cheese fights turns up over one million results.

Over one million videos. Of adults. Fighting at Chuck E. Cheese. Is it any wonder Trump has a fighting chance? We are clearly a nation of bad decision-makers.

As far as why it keeps happening? David Schwartz, a psychologist and professor at the University of Southern California, says it could simply be parents in ultra protective mode. “Birthday parties are really emotional situations. There’s frustration and provocation. A parent will never be more ready to defend somebody than when they’re with their child.”

Sure, but we’d like to think that parents would also hate for their child to see them literally throwing punches, especially in a situation where they’re supposed to be having fun. But the fact is, Chuck E. Cheese can be a place of heightened emotions for everyone with law enforcement officials citing loud noise, crowds and birthday party stress as possible causes for violence between grown-ups.

Whatever. It’s still fucking ridiculous that it happens so frequently when its the adults who should be keeping kids safe and setting the example instead of sending them fleeing for cover while they land haymakers to Ava’s daddy’s face.

Get it together, parents. Our children are watching. And this is the last thing they should see from those who are supposedly the adults.