Mooove Over, Cows? Camel Milk Is An Upcoming Trend, And It's Ridiculous

When I was pregnant with my son, a friend who was also a mother took me to a baby store to help me decide what I should put on our baby gift registry. Because I was newly pregnant and completely unfamiliar with anything related to infants and motherhood, I gratefully accepted her help, and on the appointed day, met her at our local big box baby store and promptly started to panic.

There was so much baby stuff to buy.

Wipe warmers. Bottle warmers. Seats that bounced for when you were in the shower. Seats that helped babies sit upright for feeding. Contraptions called “exersaucers” that were orbs of entertainment and safety for those times when you needed to cook dinner. Organic baby food. Organic, cloth, free-range, made-of-bamboo, and all-recycled-product diapers. Creams made from sheep wool to rub on your boobs when they were sore from breastfeeding.

It was dizzying. I left that store with my head in a tizzy and fully convinced that my child was going to be behind in life because I didn’t choose the exact right breastfeeding pillow for optimum milk-enhancing performance.

On the whole, our generation is more than willing to try new products or jump on the bandwagon when it comes to gadgets, gizmos, or foods that will make our parenting exciting and trendy, and dare I say it…hipster. Many of us love anything that has “free-range,” “organic,” or “made with unicorn sweat and fairy tears” on the package because that’s just how parents roll these days. And, the advent of the internet and all its trappings has made overthinking and over-preparing for parenting just one click away.

Remember the iPotty? #shameonus

But recently, I found out there’s a new product on the market that is taking the infamous breastmilk vs. formula argument by sandstorm…

Camel colostrum is a thing, you guys.

What a time to be alive, right?

For $395, you, too, can have the first milk, or colostrum, from a lactating camel, fresh frozen, and sent to your doorstep so that your little one can have the benefit of… I have no fucking idea because who the fuck drinks camel milk? Places like Desert Farms, in California, are selling out of camel colostrum because parents have, apparently, gotten lost in the desert of parenthood.

Listen, no disrespect to the camels who produce the milk, but I’m having trouble getting over the hump here. Is this where we are now as parents? I’m all for healthy eating and for incorporating new foods into my family’s diet that are healthy and effective, but for me, snarfing down milk that comes from a camel teet is where I draw the line.

I don’t need to pay $20 for 16 ounces of milk that has been squeezed from a camel who probably labored less than April the Giraffe. I don’t need freeze-dried camel milk powder for my smoothies, and I sure as shit don’t need to bathe with soap made from camel milk. If I wanted to smell like the zoo, I’ll just go rub myself down with my teenage son’s washcloth, thank you very much.

It’s not so much the animal itself, because we are all aware that what most of us pour over our cereal comes from a cow tit. I know, the poor camels already get a bad rap for being associated with that unfortunate thing that happens when your leggings are too tight, but I think we can all just say no to this grossly overpriced trend, right?

And for the record: I’m going to take a hard pass on the “Nomadic Secret Face Mask” because I’m pretty sure that “nomadic secret” has something to do with camel shit. Guess what day it is? It’s “Nope to Camel Milk Day,” people.

Buying camel’s milk and feeding it to infants is not only ridiculous, it’s unsafe.

And, apparently, the FDA agrees, and they said as much in a strongly worded letter to Desert Farms. When the FDA writes a scathing letter to a company, I think it’s a pretty clear indicator that we should not be patronizing this nonsense.

In researching the health benefits of camel milk, I came to find out that there are exactly zero reputable studies on the effects of camel’s milk. And any website with claims of scientific evidence backing the health benefits of camel’s milk is full of dromedary dung. The FDA has not approved nor do they have any active programs studying the benefits of camel’s milk for managing conditions like diabetes, autism, and hypertension.

Further, actual science say the only safe and effective means of feeding your infant is breast milk or baby formula — not raw milk produced by camels that isn’t regulated by the FDA.

Do not buy camel’s milk and feed it to your baby. Full stop. You can drink it at your own risk, but I don’t know why you would. Save your money for what’s really important: macchiatos. That’s what you truly need to get yourself through the sleep-deprived haze of motherhood.