Parenting

100+ Famous Beer Quotes That'll Make You Want To Crack Open A Cold One

by Team Scary Mommy

Updated: Dec. 8, 2020

Originally Published: Feb. 27, 2020

beer quotes, Two people with beer bottles in the sunset

Wil Stewart/Unsplash

Whether you’re a beer drinker yourself or love someone who is, you probably know just how refreshing an ice, cold beer can be at the end of a hard day. And with so many new microbreweries popping up everywhere, the world is your oyster when it comes to taste. Beer is such a global mainstay that archeologists found traces of it in a 5,400 year-old jug in modern-day Iran. It has also inspired an entire genre of hilarious beer jokes that are hilarious. So whether you’re drinking BudLite or a Guinness, here are 101 beer quotes to throw out at your next party.

“Drinking beer is easy. Trashing your hotel room is easy. But being a Christian, that’s a tough call. That’s rebellion.” — Alice Cooper
“Some people wanted champagne and caviar when they should have had beer and hot dogs.” — Dwight D. Eisenhower
“Under the pressure of the cares and sorrows of our mortal condition, men have at all times, and in all countries, called in some physical aid to their moral consolations – wine, beer, opium, brandy, or tobacco.” — Edmund Burke
“I definitely feel closer to the feminine side of the human being than I do the male – or the American idea of what a male is supposed to be. Just watch a beer commercial and you’ll see what I mean.” — Kurt Cobain
“Europeans are much more serious than we are in America because they think that a good place to discuss intellectual matters is a beer party.” — Richard P. Feynman
“Let a man walk ten miles steadily on a hot summer’s day along a dusty English road, and he will soon discover why beer was invented.” — Gilbert K. Chesterton
“You can’t be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.” — Frank Zappa
“Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.” — Dave Barry
“I was at a bar nursing a beer. My nipple was getting quite soggy.” — Emo Philips
“Beer, it’s the best damn drink in the world.” — Jack Nicholson
“I never had one beer. If I bought a six-pack of beer, I kept drinking till all six beers were gone. You have to have that kind of understanding about yourself. I haven’t had a drink now in 12 years.” — Samuel L. Jackson
“I’m an old-fashioned guy… I want to be an old man with a beer belly sitting on a porch, looking at a lake or something.” — Johnny Depp
“When I get a chance to play golf or go on a boat with good people, take the boat out and put some lobsters on the grill, get the ice-cold beer and the cigars – that’s heaven here on earth.” — Bernie Mac
“For so many years, I was trying to beat my hair into submission, trying to get it to look like someone else’s hair, and I didn’t know how. I remember going through a phase where I even put beer in my hair, because I was told that would make it smooth and curly.” — Tracee Ellis Ross
“People care about my personal life. But really I’m dorky! I drink beer and go to football games. And ya know, sit in my house in a t-shirt on the weekends and play with my dog!” — Sophia Bush
“I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper and the old men and old women warmer in the winter and happier in the summer.” — Brendan Behan
“People in the street will either call me ‘Prime Minister’ or ‘Justin.’ We’ll see how that goes. But when I’m working, when I’m with my staff in public, I’m ‘Prime Minister.’ I say that if we’re drinking beer out of a bottle, and you can see my tattoos, you should be comfortable calling me ‘Justin.’” — Justin Trudeau
“I’ve never, ever tasted beer.” — Mike Huckabee
“It’s always strange being a kid on the set, because you’re treated like an equal when you’re working. But then when you break, the other actors go back to their trailers to take naps and drink beer, and I have to, like, go do school.” — Natalie Portman
“I don’t want to be treated like I came from another planet or something or was somehow born with some weird birthright or super power. I don’t view myself that way. I am a normal guy, picking up the crap from the dog and scraping the BBQ and having a beer and fixing the shed out back.” — Chris Hadfield
“I do like beer, but lately I’ve started drinking non-alcoholic beer and I like the taste of it and I don’t get the alcohol, so that’s a good alternative also.” — Mike Ditka
“I’ve only been in love with a beer bottle and a mirror.” — Sid Vicious
“I’ve never had beer. It smells so disgusting.” — Lil Yachty
“If I went on vacation, I’d rather go camping than stay in some four-star hotel… My friends treat me the same at home. They just want to sit down with you and have a beer.” — Travis Fimmel
“My idea of working out is drinking whiskey – instead of beer.” — Travis Fimmel
“Mind you, I’ve always been musical… Mother used to sit me on her knee and I’d whisper, ‘Mummy, Mummy, sing me a lullaby do,’ and she’d say: ‘Certainly my angel, my wee bundle of happiness, hold my beer while I fetch me banjo.’” — Les Dawson
“I wasn’t really an alcoholic, but I was losing control. I still go for a beer, but I drink a lot less.” — John Denver
“As far as my street cred goes, I’ll always have that, because I always hang with the kids. I’ll jump right off the stage and buy them a beer. I’ll be a star on stage, but I’ll always hang with the kids.” — Kid Rock
“I have a beer belly.” — Christy Turlington
“In my opinion, most of the great men of the past were only there for the beer – the wealth, prestige and grandeur that went with the power.” — A. J. P. Taylor
“The University of Nebraska says that elderly people that drink beer or wine at least four times a week have the highest bone density. They need it — they’re the ones falling down the most.” — Jay Leno
“Polish people have a wit and sarcasm. They’re gentle but still very strong. Like, they love beer, which is traditionally so manly, but they’ll put a spoonful of jam in it to sweeten it up. They’re this wonderful mix of hard and soft.” — Antoni Porowski
“If you guys are going to be throwing beer bottles at us, at least make sure they’re full.” — Dave Mustaine
“I look like the kind of guy who has a bottle of beer in my hand.” — Charles Bronson
“24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?” — Unknown
“What I like about playing America is you can be pretty sure you’re not going to get hit with a full can of beer when you’re singing and I really enjoy that!” — Joe Strummer
“I would love to get shredded or whatever you want to call it, but at the same time, I really enjoy treating myself to a cheat meal more than once a week. I’ll eat a piece of bread, or I’ll drink a beer, and I’ll have fun with my friends. For me, it’s really more about being healthy than it is about gaining 40 lbs. of muscle.” — Thomas Rhett
“God has a brown voice, as soft and full as beer.” — Anne Sexton
“I consider myself an authority on drinking beer.” — Eric Bischoff
“I have respect for beer.” — Russell Crowe
“All my friends were in college when I was making ‘Superbad.’ We were drinking beer and watching movies and eating pizza. It wasn’t like I was going to nice restaurants or anything like that, and I lived like a frat guy. Eventually it was time to grow up, be healthy and be responsible. You can’t live like a kid forever, you know?” — Jonah Hill
“One-third of Americans have already been forced to change their lifestyle because their disposable income is gone. A guy can’t go to the corner bar after a rough day at work to have a beer, that’s gone to oil!” — Terry McAuliffe
“People have always challenged me. People told me I was going to get this big beer belly when I got done playing. But I work out six days a week, and when I turn 40, I’m going to still have that six pack.” — Donald Driver
“One of sports journalism’s great ironies is that covering an Olympics can be wildly unhealthy. NBC shows athletes in peak health performing on the ice and snow, but not the haggard reporters subsisting for three weeks on stadium starches, cheap beer, deadlines, and little sleep.” — Mary Pilon
“I’m not a super carbonated guy: some people like drinking their beer like it’s a champagne, right? It’s not my vibe.” — Dylan Sprouse
“I’d like us to deliver a little message to all the men still out there who think it’s the ’50s, and coming home simply means watching television with a beer.” — Patricia Richardson
“I just want to tailgate, drink beer, and hang out in the middle of nowhere in a pick-up truck. That’s my ideal date.” — Ronda Rousey
“I should have been born a crazy rich Asian because I do have expensive taste. I have champagne taste but I’m on a beer budget.” — Nico Santos
“I can completely lose myself into just absolutely satisfying things – a really amazing cheeseburger, a pizza, good fries, a beer. I enjoy being comfortable and eating whatever the hell I like. It’s a big thing for me, just having the freedom to be able to do that.” — Channing Tatum
“Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” — Benjamin Franklin (misquoted, though — he was really talking about wine)
“He was a wise man who invented beer.” — Plato
“A fine beer may be judged with only one sip, but it’s better to be thoroughly sure.” — Czech Proverb
“All right, brain. You don’t like me, and I don’t like you, but let’s just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer.” — Home Simpson
“For a quart of Ale is a dish for a king.” — William Shakespeare
“Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.” — Dave Barry
“Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.” — Kaiser Wilhelm
“I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.” — Frank Sinatra
“What care I how time advances? I am drinking ale today.” — Edgar Allan Poe
“Make sure that the beer – four pints a week – goes to the troops under fire before any of the parties in the rear get a drop.” — Sir Winston Churchill
“I drink, and I know things.” — Tyrion Lannister
“Beer, if drunk in moderation, softens the temper, cheers the spirit and promotes health.” — Thomas Jefferson
“In a study, scientists report that drinking beer can be good for the liver. I’m sorry, did I say ‘scientists’? I meant Irish people.” — Tina Fey
“Instead of water we got here a draught of beer…a lumberer’s drink, which would acclimate and naturalize a man at once—which would make him see green, and, if he slept, dream that he heard the wind sough among the pines.” — Henry David Thoreau
“When I die, I want to decompose in a barrel of porter and have it served in all the pubs in Dublin. I wonder would they know it was me?” — J.P. Donleavy
“Isn’t beer the holy libation of sincerity? The potion that dispels all hypocrisy, any charade of fine manners? The drink that does nothing worse than incite its fans to urinate in all innocence, to gain weight in all frankness?” — Milan Kundera
“Beer’s intellectual. What a shame so many idiots drink it.” — Ray Bradbury
“Stay with the beer. beer is continuous blood. a continuous lover.” — Charles Bukowski
“A man who lies about beer makes enemies.” — Stephen King
“Whoever drinks beer, he is quick to sleep; whoever sleeps long, does not sin; whoever does not sin, enters Heaven! Thus, let us drink beer!” — Martin Luther
“I am a firm believer in the people. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis. The great point is to bring them the real facts, and beer.” — Abraham Lincoln
“There is an ancient Celtic axiom that says ‘Good people drink good beer.’ Which is true, then as now. Just look around you in any public barroom and you will quickly see: Bad people drink bad beer. Think about it.” — Hunter S. Thompson
“The beer tastes good to my throat, cold and bitter, and the three boys and the beer and the queer freeness of the situation makes me feel like laughing forever. So I laugh, and my lipstick leaves a red stain like a bloody crescent moon on top of the beer can. I am looking very healthy and flushed and bright-eyed, having both a good tan and a rather excellent fever.” — Sylvia Plath
“Nothing ever tasted better than a cold beer on a beautiful afternoon with nothing to look forward to than more of the same.” — Hugh Hood
“Never underestimate how much assistance, how much satisfaction, how much comfort, how much soul and transcendence there might be in a well-made taco and a cold bottle of beer.” — Tom Robbins
“Next to music beer was best.” — Carson McCullers
“Milk is for babies. When you grow up, you have to drink beer.” — Arnold Schwarzenegger
“Keep your libraries, your penal institutions, your insane asylums… give me beer. You think man needs rule, he needs beer. The world does not need morals, it needs beer… The souls of men have been fed with indigestibles, but the soul could make use of beer.” — Henry Miller
“I’m gaining weight the right way: I’m drinking beer.” — Johnny Damon
“A meal of bread, cheese, and beer constitutes the perfect food.” — Queen Elizabeth I
“I am sure of this, that if everybody was to drink their bottle a day, there would be not half the disorders in the world there are now. It would be a famous good thing for us all.” — Jane Austen
“Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink, I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. I think, ‘It is better to drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.'” — Babe Ruth
“There is nothing in the world like the first taste of beer.” — John Steinbeck
“Well, I never met a beer I didn’t drink. And down it goes.” — Norm Peterson
“Always do sober what you said you would do drunk. It will teach you to keep your mouth shut.” — Ernest Hemingway
“Life is too short to drink cheap beer.” — Unknown
“ I am not addicted to beer… It’s addicted to me.” — Cyanide & Happiness
“Everybody needs to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.” — WC Fields
“Swaying to new beats, hearing old favorites, and drinking expensive beer are ageless pastimes.” — Julia Hartz
“The goal is to give people a free encyclopedia to every person in the world, in their own language. Not just in a ‘free beer’ kind of way, but also in the free speech kind of way.” — Jimmy Wales
“Growing up, I remember thinking country music was all honky-tonks and beer and trucks – Britney Spears was my first concert.” — Kelsea Ballerini
“My goal is to hit the gym every day I’m on vacation. Usually I just end up sleeping and drinking beer.” — Gary Allan
“Beer is the Danish national drink, and the Danish national weakness is another beer.” — Clementine Paddleford
“You can’t really indulge in anything when you’re wearing a unitard. No bread, no beer, no anything delicious.” — Tom Lenk
“My voice? Yeah, well, I used to drink a lot of beer when I was a kid and I sounded like a drunk in a choir. I don’t drink anymore.” — Eric Burdon
“In a family business, you grow up with close contact to the business, whatever it is, and the beer business is certainly a very social type of business.” — Carlos Alvarez
“Bruges is a beautiful medieval city almost untouched by time. If you like jazz, you will be well catered for. If you like chocolate and beer, you will be in heaven.” — James Frain
“My playground is full of moonshine, mason jars, beer bottles, and bonfires.” — Big Smo
“Sitting on a plastic chair at night listening to the sea lapping below while sipping a cold beer is about as good as life gets.” — Sandi Toksvig
“Whiskey’s too tough, Champagne costs too much, Vodka puts my mouth in gear. I hope this refrain, Will help me explain, As a matter of fact, I like beer.” — Tom T. Hall
“When we show up in a city, we ask, ‘Where’s the best restaurant? What’s the best beer?’ You start doing that, and you get exposed to a lot of great stuff.” — Isaac Hanson

This article was originally published on Feb. 27, 2020