Jessica Biel's New Restaurant Called 'Chuck E. Cheese For The One Percent'

Jessica Biel’s new “family friendly” restaurant opens

In their review of Jessica Biel’s new “family-friendly restaurant” Au Fudge, Los Angeles Magazine called the new endeavor, “Chuck E. Cheese for the one percent.” Burn.

We all nodded our heads in solidarity last week, when Jessica Biel was quoted as saying dining out with kids is basically “terrifying.” It was a well-timed soundbite to get the word out about her new “family friendly” restaurant in L.A., Au Fudge. That’s pronounced Oh, Fudge — in case you were wondering.

Jessica Biel is adorable. Her husband is adorable. Her kid is adorable. Maybe we all should have guessed that her restaurant was going to be adorable, too. But can a thing be too adorable? I don’t think I imagined it could, until I saw the concept for this restaurant.

Biel envisions it as a place where parents can take their kids for a relaxing dinner. “We just want you to feel stress-free about it,” says Biel, “And know that they’re playing with things that are safe, that we don’t use chemicals here, that there’s not just a bunch of plastic everywhere and we’ve really tried to think very thoughtfully about your family because it’s our family, too.”

For $15 per hour per kid, you can leave your kids in a special room in the restaurant staffed with au pairs, who apparently won’t shove plastic in your kids face or give them chemicals. Au pairs are what they call the staff who watch your kids, and “Creative Space” is what they call the room they watch them in. It looks like this:

The super family-friendly restaurant also has a section of the menu devoted to kids and other people who like to eat small portions of cute-looking food. It’s called “Petites.”

This is the most expensive kid’s menu I’ve ever seen. There’s a marketplace that sells, according to a Jezebel writer who paid a visit to the restaurant, “toys, candy, selected baked goods (I’m almost certain the enormous cakes are fake), coffee, diapers and Honest Company products.”

Oh my god.

If I brought my family here and we had dinner for four and an hour of restaurant-provided childcare, I worked out that we’d spend about $240 before tax and gratuity, so roughly $300 for dinner for four. And two of those four are little people who barely eat anything.

Yes, we had two drinks a piece (in my mind – we’ve obviously never been to this place) and dessert, but apart from that, the estimate wasn’t based off any sort of extravagant ordering. It was your basic entrees-for-everyone-couple-of-appetizers-and-booze-for-parents dinner. Yikes.

“People who have the means to do so get to bond with their family, eat some thoughtfully sourced and organically farmed food, and wind up giving part of that money back to a worthy cause in the end,” wrote Los Angeles Magazine. Some of the proceeds from the restaurant will apparently be going to charity. “Plus, the restaurant’s name refers to accidentally saying “fuck” in front of kids (get it? “Oh, fuck” vs “Au, fudge?”), and that’s hilarious.”

More pictures of the restaurant can be found here, and Jezebel’s review is definitely worth reading.