50+ Hilarious 'Arrested Development' Quotes That Are Criminally Funny

Arrested Development became a cult classic despite a mere three-season run in the aughts. It’s no surprise that fans were delighted to welcome it back to their screens via Netflix in 2013. Both the hilarious original and revived seasons of the show follow the Bluth family’s chaotic lives as they navigate a changed lifestyle.

Similar to the characters of Schitt’s Creek, most Bluth family members struggle to adjust to their new, more humble circumstances in the most hilarious way possible. The comedy has gifted us with hysterical one-liners and family moments over its five seasons.

To celebrate this show and the joy it still brings, we’ve compiled a list of over 50 laugh-out-loud funny Arrested Development quotes. Read on and allow yourself to be entertained by TV’s most hysterically dysfunctional family.

Michael

“Oh, mom. After all these years, God’s not going to take a call from you.”

Michael: “What have we always said is the most important thing?”

George Michael: “Family.” Michael: “I was going to say breakfast.”

“I think that’s another of mom’s fibs, like, ‘I’ll sacrifice anything for my children.'”

“Why are you squeezing me with your body?”

Maeby: “Do you guys know where I could get one of those gold necklaces with the ‘T’ on it?”

Michael: “That’s a cross.” Maeby: “Across from where?”

“I don’t think us sleeping together is working out. You’re a grown man; you should be living with your mother.”

“I deceived you, mom. ‘Tricked’ makes it sound like we have a playful relationship.”

“I’m not sure how ‘Solid as a Rock’ helps people forget that we built houses in Iraq.”

George Michael: “I have Pop Pop in the attic.”

Michael: “What? The mere fact that you call ‘making love’ Pop Pop tells me that you’re not ready.”

“You seem more villainous than usual, mom.”

Lucille

Lucille: “Apparently, mood altering medication leads to street drugs. That’s what this very handsome young doctor said on The Today Show.”

Michael: “That was Tom Cruise, the actor.” Lucille: “They said he was some kind of scientist.”

“She thinks I’m too critical. That’s another fault of hers.”

“I am one of the few honest people I have ever known.”

“Dinner’s ready! We’re having Lindsay chops. What? I want her to be prepared in case some bully at school is as clever as I am.”

“Here’s some money. Go see a star war.”

Lucille: “Get me a vodka rocks.”

Michael: “Mom, it’s breakfast.” Lucille: “And a piece of toast.”

“I mean, it’s one banana, Michael. What could it cost, $10?”

“I don’t understand the question and I won’t respond to it.”

“I’d have to get up pretty early in the morning to get drunk by 1 o’ clock.”

Lucille: “It’s the only hair he’s got. He’s an alpaca.”

Michael: “He has alopecia.”

“No sugar for you. You just get more awful.”

“I’d rather be dead in California than alive in Arizona.”

George Sr.

“There’s a good chance I may have committed some light treason.”

“There’s always money in the banana stand.”

“I’m trying to decide which gang to align myself with.”

“I just want my brother to envy my money, but he’s got that hair. Why can’t I have hair and money, and him nothing?”

“I’m going crazy with the boredom, Michael. At least in prison, we had knife fights and we had movie night. And once, both.”

“Maybe it was the 11 months he spent in the womb. The doctor said there were claw marks on the walls of her uterus, but he was our miracle baby. I was just too burnt out on raising you guys to care so…he turned out a little soft, you know? A little doughy. I don’t know, maybe it was my fault, maybe I ignored the guy.”

“You were just a turd out there, you know? You couldn’t kick, and you couldn’t run, you know? You’re just a- a turd.”

Buster

“I’m a scholar. I enjoy scholarly pursuits.”

“Yes, they even touched my Charlie Browns.”

“Army had a half day.”

“Mom always told us to curl up in a ball and remain motionless when confronted.”

“Unlimited juice? This party is going to be off the hook!”

“Do you think I could have a hit of that juice box?”

“They do allow some nervous crying, but you can tell they don’t like it.”

Michael: “Buster, you can’t zip-line over there.”

Buster: “Either I zip down, or he zips up, and that is a mighty long zipper on Mother’s Cher jumpsuit. You have to get on your knees to start it.” Michael: “This is much less scary. Godspeed, Buster.”

“You lied to me. You said my FATHER was my father, but my UNCLE is my father. MY FATHER IS MY UNCLE!”

Lindsay

“Great, so now we don’t have a car or a jet? Why don’t we just take an ad out in ‘I’m Poor’ magazine?”

“If you weren’t all the way on the other side of the room, I’d slap your face.”

“It’s vodka. It goes bad one it’s opened.”

“Did you enjoy your meal, Mom? You drank it fast enough.”

“We’re all just going to have a more normal arrangement. I’m going to sleep with my daughter, and you’re going to sleep with my husband.”

Lindsay: “I care deeply for nature.”

Michael: “You’re wearing ostrich-skin boots.” Lindsay: “Well, I don’t care about ostriches.”

Gob

“I’ve made a huge tiny mistake.”

“I hear the jury’s still out on science.”

“Michael, you can save this family. Please, do the right thing here. String this blind girl along so that Dad doesn’t have to pay his debt to society.”

“I’m a gentleman honey farmer.”

“You taste these tears. Taste my sad, Michael.”

“She’s not ‘that Mexican,’ mom. She’s my Mexican. And she’s Colombian or something.”

“Let me ask you something. Is this a business decision, or is it personal? Cause if it’s business I’ll go away happily. But if it’s personal, I’ll go away… but I won’t be happy.”

“Portugal? Gonna live it up down ol’ South America way, eh Mikey?”

Related: 50+ Hilarious ‘It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia’ Quotes You Should Memorize