Yes, You Will Grow A Pregnancy Beard Because Mother Nature Is A B*#ch
Adele grew a pregnancy beard just like us, and then she named it
There are two types of mothers in the world: ones with lush facial hair that could draw the envy of every bare-faced pre-pubescent boy on the planet, and liars. We don’t like to admit it, but hormones and age make wildebeests of us all, and behind our bathroom doors we are little more than a bunch of bearded ladies. Luckily, we’re in good company because Adele just admitted she has a lady-beard too. She even named hers Larry.
According to the Mirror, Adele was appreciating all the strapping, bearded gentlemen in attendance at her recent Glasgow concert, when she revealed that she connects with these men on a level you might not expect: she too has gorgeous facial hair. “When I got pregnant, I had so much testosterone in me that I grew a beard,” Adele told the crowd. “I only cropped it last night.”
The audience reportedly responded with laughter, but like any mom with a respectable crop of luxe lip hair, Queen Adele wasn’t playing around. “It’s actually true,” she promised. “I’m not telling a joke. I actually have a beard, but I’m proud of it. I call it Larry.”
That’s right, ladies. You can pull out the tweezers with a little bit of swagger tonight, knowing the goddess Adele is just as beautiful and mustachioed as you are. Don’t try to hide it. Maybe your lip fuzz is quirky and only grows in on one side. Maybe you’ve got a crop of steely back hairs that stick out like bristles on the scrub brush formerly known as your chin. Maybe you’ve even got a goatee. Wear that shit proudly. Name it. It’s what Adele would want.
Much like stretch marks, varicose veins, and the overwhelming urge to pee whenever we laugh too hard, facial hair is one of those post-baby maladies we all have, but very few of us talk about. There are some who won’t reveal the extent of their pregnancy beards even to their own partners. Meanwhile, Adele is out there talking about hers on stage in front of sold-out crowds because she’s a hero, and also the coolest celebrity mom the world has ever known.
This isn’t the first time Adele has gotten way too real about the shit us moms go through. In fact, just last week she told Jamie Oliver and every other person who puts pressure on breastfeeding moms to go fuck themselves. You have to wonder, how does one woman get so incredibly likable? I want to invite her over for a slumber party, get drunk while listening to her sing amazing ballads, and then braid each other’s facial hair until we fall asleep.
At the end of the day, we’ve all got rogue chin hair and weird shit going on with our bodies, and it’s downright delightful that Adele is using her platform to make us feel less alone when we’re plucking our pirate-like facial growths in the Target parking lot. It inspires me to go out and bond with other moms over the proper care and maintenance of lady chin forests. Or, maybe I’ll just bond with my husband. As Adele also told the crowd in Glasgow, “My man’s got a good beard. He trims it sometimes in the summer. I have a beard myself, so I can understand when it gets hot in the summer.”
Us too, Adele. Us too.
