I Was Not Excited To Be Pregnant With My Surprise Baby

To my unexpected child:

I can’t even begin to explain how nervous I was when I found out about you.

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I cried for days.

When I found out you existed, I thought my dreams flew right out the window.

These big dreams I had for myself were no longer an option.

You see, I never expected to be a mom. I was dead set on being married to a career that I loved, living in a big city, chasing big dreams.

I dreamed of the days where I’d stop at my favorite coffee shop on the way to work. I’d watch the barista make my latte and I’d pay way too much money for it, but it was fine, because money wasn’t a worry.

I dreamed about myself sitting at my oversized desk in my fancy office building. I pictured myself working too many hours there, but it wouldn’t bother me, because I’d love it.

I dreamed about the business attire I’d wear, all down to the shoes.

I dreamed about the ridiculously expensive salon I’d go to for my all my hair care needs, the nail salons, etc.

Then, I’d picture myself going home at the end of the work day to my luxurious condo on the 23rd floor that overlooked the city skyline.

I dreamed of my over-the-top stainless steel appliances, the polished granite counter tops.

I dreamed of my glass walk-in shower, my walk-in closet that was lined with an endless amount of clothes and shoes.

I dreamed of superb home decor, my white couch, and marble coffee table that was lined with Architectural Digest and those outrageous tabloids.

I’d picture my weekend mornings on the balcony with a cup of hot coffee, just listening to the traffic and watching the people that go by. The dog walkers, the shoppers.

That was the life I dreamed of.

But then you happened, my unexpected child.

And suddenly, my dreams changed. I no longer dreamed of my booming career or fancy condo.

I no longer dreamed of my overpriced latte.

I dreamed of you.

I pictured us going on walks, holding your little hand while you ask me a million and one questions, like why the grass is green or why the sky is blue.

I dreamed of us going on ice cream dates and giving you extra sprinkles just to spoil you a little.

I dreamed of our average home, in our little town, with a backyard that had room for you and our family dog to run around in.

I pictured the bond you would have with your father.

You see, I never wanted to be a mom until I became one.

I didn’t think I’d be good at it.

But every day, I wake up and prove to myself just how great I am at this.

I was built for this.

Suddenly, my dreams became a reality when you were born.

I have so much to thank you for.

Thank you for giving me a purpose. I truly didn’t know I had one until you came along.

Thank you for loving me unconditionally.

Thank you for waking me up with kisses in the morning and for always being so happy to see me.

Thank you for all your little quirks, and all the funny things you do.

And most of all, thank you for being you.

To my unexpected child: I thank God every day for choosing me to be your mother. It truly is a dream come true.