10 Tina Fey Quotes On Motherhood That'll Make You Snort

Kids are definitely the boss of you. Anyone who will barge into the room while you are on the commode is the boss of you. And when you explain to them that you’re on the commode and that they should leave, but they don’t? That’s a high-level boss.

You’re just like a human napkin for kids, like, they just wipe their face on you and stuff.

[Alice] has a pretend hair-and-nail shop, and I was doing her hair and makeup. I said, ‘Hello ma’am. What’s your name? What do you do?’ And she said, ‘I get paid to dance at parties.’ And I said, ‘Oh, no. That’s a terrible, terrible answer.

My daughter was playing the other day and almost knocked an Emmy… on her head. I was like, ‘Oh, that would have been terrible.’ Can you imagine having to fill out an accident report at the hospital? ‘An Emmy fell on my kid’s head.’

I had to get back to work. NBC has me under contract. The baby and I only have a verbal agreement.

There are times where I feel she should be on the naughty list, but then if that happens, then there will sort of be hell to pay for Mommy. I don’t want to be the one there on Christmas morning, like, ‘Guess what happened? Coal. You got nothing.’

Ah, babies! They’re more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts.

All over Manhattan, large families have become a status symbol. Four beautiful children named after kings and pieces of fruit are a way of saying, ‘I can afford a four-bedroom apartment and a hundred and fifty thousand dollars in elementary school tuition fees each year. How you livin’?’

I think this is ingenious marketing, but that princess thing sets off an alarm bell for me. [I’m afraid] all that might creep back into our culture. That a girl would aspire to be the Little Mermaid, a beautiful redhead with no legs who waits for her prince! Who literally gives up her voice! What are we doing? What is going on?

Being a mom has made me so tired. And so happy.