Sanctimommy With One 2-Week-Old Child Can't Understand What's So Hard About Parenting

I’m going to rant for a minute…

It bothers me how much being a parent has turned into a martyr profession. Our children are not an excuse to be dirty or lazy and are not a parents [sic] scapegoat for whatever…

So begins a rant that’s being shared wildly on social media, because… well, honestly because we parents love laughing at smug newbies who think they got this parenting thing down because they’ve managed to exist in the same general area with a small being who sleeps for 90% of the day, can’t even roll over yet, and is completely immobile. Yeah. That’s definitely the hardest part of your parenting journey. That first two weeks.

The Facebook page Sanctimommy shared this rant, and moms everywhere are laughing their asses off. The admin of the page wrote, “I think I owe this OP a drink. This has been our most popular post, ever.” It’s understandable why it’s been shared so wildly. Many of us know how it feels to be that smug parent with a child under preschool age. And we always eat our words.

“Being a parent doesn’t mean leaving food under the couch and never showering,” Sanctimommy says. I leave food under the couch so I can shower — so suck it, lady. Kids! There’s an Oreo somewhere under the livingroom furniture! Who can find it first?

“So far I’ve managed to get enough sleep, cook decent meals for my family, keep my apartment clean… and my newborn is happy, well fed, well loved, bathed, and in clean clothes and diapers.” Mkay. Talk to us when your kid is old enough to turn his nose up at the third meal you’ve cooked him and hurricane toddler comes rolling through your house. No one’s impressed by the fact that you can clean your house while you have an immobile being literally strapped to a bouncer. Anyone can do that shit.

My 5-year-old is currently screaming the Blues Clues theme in my ear, begging to use my Kindle, and asking for more grapes while I attempt to work full time out of my dining room. My two-year-old just sneezed a snot rocket on my favorite sweater, which I’m cleaning whilst writing, drinking coffee, and refraining from screaming at my Blues Clues-obsessed son. You think I’m impressed with your clean floors?

The funny thing is… she’ll learn. We all do. Parenting karma is real, and it always returns to bite us in the ass. I’m guessing a few years from now she’ll look back on this rant and wince. Or laugh. Or both.

The reactions to the post prove that we may start out smug… but we get really, really funny:

“I think too many people are mistaking laziness for normal parenthood ordeals. It needs to stop.”

Oh, honey. So do you.