20 Reasons I Want to Throw a Tantrum

As the mother of both a 2.5 year old and a 19-month old, I am in the trenches of Tantrum-Dome. Tantrums range in volume and intensity and the tactics change from turning into a wet noodle in protest to charging at me raging-rhino style. It’s a way of life right now and I know that someday they will grow out of this phase. Thank goodness for that.

If kids didn’t grow out of tantrums — if it was socially acceptable for adults to throw them, too — here are just a few reasons I would be throwing one heck of a fit…

1. My coffee doesn’t stay hot all day.

2. My smoky eye doesn’t make me look sexy — it makes me look like a raccoon who’s been in a bar fight.

3. I don’t want to shave my legs.

4. I have to feed these people again?

5. I have a hole in my yoga pants in a spot where I can no longer justify still wearing them.

6. We are out of whiskey.

7. I don’t want to see your block tower… again.

8. Magic erasers are not magic.

10. I know I put matching socks into the washing machine. Where did they go?

11. I want to have a bowel movement without it being broadcast to the world by my toddler.

12. I showed my hairdresser what I wanted my hair to look like and I do not look like Jenifer Aniston.

13. I do not want to share my cake.

14. Dirty laundry goes in the clothes hamper! Not near the hamper, under the hamper, or behind the hamper. IN THE HAMPER.

15. Who ate the last of the ice cream?!

16. I’m tired of my house always smelling like pee.

17. How is it possible that we go through every single fork by in the house by noon?

18. I just washed this shirt and now you’re using it as a Kleenex!

19. That was my lipstick! Not a marker!

20. I put you to bed an hour ago! Why are you still awake?